Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

A stranger to two people looking for cicadas in a D.C. park:

“Cicadas are like an Amazon delivery from the Earth.”

—

Location, location, location

A guy in his mid-20s is scream-talking into his phone near Logan Circle:

“I don’t think I’m being unreasonable demanding we get an apartment within 5 minutes of a Trader Joe’s.”

—

So true

Two women are pushing strollers in Columbia Heights, with two small children per stroller. The children in one stroller are holding bananas:

First woman: “Ba-na-na!”
Children (giggling): “BA-NA-NA!”
Second woman: “Ba-na-na!”
Children (louder): “BA-NA-NA!!”

—

Also, so true

A boy around eight years old is with his mom and younger brother at the National Gallery of Art sculpture garden. He points to the Barry Flanagan Thinker on a Rock sculpture (the sculpture of a hare sitting on a rock).

“Now THAT one makes sense.”

—

Suit yourself

A group of people are riding scooters down a bike lane in D.C.: 

One dude on his scooter: “If D.C. becomes a state, I am leaving the country.”

—

Hot Girl Summer is upon us

A 20-something guy and girl are walking west on P Street NW, in front of the Royal Sonesta Hotel:

Guy to girl: “I never thought I’d be so stupid to bone some random person during COVID, but here we are!”

—

I’m not crying, you’re crying

An older couple is leaving the overlook at Great Falls Park, after taking in the views of the waterfalls: 

Man: “Thank you for coming up here with me.”
Woman:” Thank you for wanting to show me beautiful things.”

—

Only six months?

A guy and a girl in their mid-20s are at the Wharf: 

Guy to girl: “It took me like six months to convince you to hang out and that I wasn’t going to murder you!”

—

Very urgent police matters

A police car drives past another officer walking into the Tenleytown Chipotle and blasts out of their loudspeaker:

“Get the nachos. Repeat, get the nachos.”

—

I would watch this movie

Two middle-aged women are talking on the trail in Rock Creek Park:

Woman 1: “Well, there was this guy she wanted to marry —”
Woman 2: “But she did marry him!”
Woman 1: “No, that was the second guy.”

—

Unthinkable

Group of 20-somethings are on the Woodley Park Metro escalator. 

One girl: “Imagine having to factor this escalator into your daily commute.”
*Her friends nod in agreement*

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Explaining is NOT the same as complaining

A 20-something girl is walking down New Hampshire Ave., talking on the phone: 

“I have examined my privilege and appreciated my blessings, okay, I’m just EXPLAINING why I’m in a bad mood.”