Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

Two 20-something women are talking as they walk from the parking lot by the Tidal Basin to the paddle boats:

One of them: “Every time I drive in D.C., I either cry or get in a car crash.”

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It’s time to retire that phrase

Overheard on an Orange Line train between Farragut West and McPherson Square around 6 p.m.:

“Yeah I’m sitting on a train stopped in the tunnel at rush hour with no announcement. Nature is healing.”

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Because “be careful” was too simple

A 4-year-old is wading through Francis Pool, not looking ahead, about to walk into another kid: 

Dad: “Situational awareness, son!”

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Start ’em young

One 30-something to another, walking home from a Fourth of July party in the wee morning hours of July 5:

“That’s kind of crazy how your kid Irish goodbyed on you.”

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Nightmare fuel

Three mid-20s women are walking up 18th Street towards Adams Morgan:

Woman 1: “Yeah, you just see rats everywhere now. I haven’t seen a squirrel in months.”
Woman 2: “I can’t remember the last time I saw a squirrel. It mighta been before lockdown.”
Woman 1: “Wait – do you think the rats ate all the squirrels?”

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Just wait a few hours

Three drunk 20-something women at the entrance to Woodley Park Metro ten minutes after service ended on July 4th:

“Hey, how do we change the direction of the escalators? They’re all going up and we need to go down!”

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Sir this is a train?

A train operator announces the last stop at the Vienna Metro on a Friday night:

“That’s right, folks. Elvis has left the building.”

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As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.