Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week:

Two 50-something women are at the Takoma Park streatery, a couple glasses into the Chardonnay:

The chatty one to the other: “Sometimes, without even trying, I do things that make sense.”

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The gays are up by 1

A millennial woman is calling her friend to try and make plans: 

Friend 1: “Sorry I can’t hang out tonight, I’m going to the Mystics game.”
Friend 2: “The gay agenda is ruining my friendships.”

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The 11th Commandment 

An American University undergraduate is on his way to pick up his Amazon packages from the mailroom:

“You gotta go eat biscuits and grape juice at church once a week.”

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Classy dining

On a Saturday night at Reston Town Center. Two cops are walking down the sidewalk, one is orienting the other to the beat.

Cop 1: “So, yeah, I just basically go around and check in with the various security folks at each place.”
Cop 2: “Sounds good. Where are you usually pulling people out of?”
Cop 1: “Morton’s.”

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She’s been anointed

Two women in their mid-20s are discussing their romantic lives while crossing the Duke Ellington bridge:

“One could say I’m doing God’s work. I’m in here giving validation to all the ugly men in the world.”

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TGIF (Thank God I’m Flirty)

A woman to her friend, while crossing 18th Street at Columbia Road:

“I love it—it’s Friday night and people are flirting again!”

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Mother knows best

A woman in her 20’s is walking down 18th Street, talking on the phone:

“Listen, listen, I’m going to take my mother’s advice. The maximum age limit is 70.”

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And for your Bro of the Week

Two guys in their 30s are at a Dupont Bar on Friday night: 

“Bro I’m not wealthy, but I am a rich American.”

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How dare they

Two professional women are talking about a friend near 14th and Church: 

“They’re like, renting in Pentagon City. Pentagon City! Ugh. Horrible!”

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That probably sucks (ha!) 

Two late 20s, early 30s men walking in Adams Morgan: 

“She lives in, like, a vampire neighborhood.”