Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

A person in their 20s or 30s yells out apartment window in Forest Hills, as about four inches of snow pile up outside late Monday morning: 

Person: “What the *%@??! It’s snowing out here??? It was 65 degrees just yesterday!”

—

It’s getting a little dusty in here…

An early 70s woman is talking on her phone while pushing around a cart full of vegetables at the Kalorama Harris Teeter:

“Irving eats horribly. I don’t want him to die because I don’t want to be alone. I’d also be a widow for the second time.”

—

Who’s to say

Overheard at a Giant grocery store: 

A woman on the phone: “Why am I even here? Is it bacon?”

—

Maybe it makes grandma sad too, kid

A little 3-year-old boy with his grandmother, heading to the Metro:

Boy: “Can we not ride the elevator?”
Grandmother: “Why don’t you want to take the elevator?”
Boy: “It makes me sad.”

—

Oh but it is! It really is

At the National Sculpture Garden, two young friends are having a conversation about matters of the heart.

Girl: “I’m 18 and I’ve never been in love. That’s not normal!”

—

Caps fans cover your eyes

A group of four 20-somethings leaving Zaytinya near Capitol One:

Woman 1: “Is something happening at Capital One tonight?”
Woman 2: “Maybe a hockey game?”
Woman 1: “Is hockey still a thing?”

—

@CDC hire her

In the parking lot of the Bethesda Giant Food, a mother is trying to get her small child to put on a mask.

Mother: “We can’t go in until you put it on.”
Child: “IT’S COLD OUT HERE!”
Mother: “It’s warm inside.”

—

He who smelt it

A man in a tux is taking the escalator up from the Metro stop at Union Station, surrounded by other men to attend an event:

“Does the whole city smell like urine this badly?”

—

What happened to a good, honest conversation? 

A guy in his 20’s/30’s to his friends at a bar in Dupont

“It’s amazing what a punch to the throat will do for someone’s attitude.”

—

Rainbow COVID Surprise! Is this anything

Balloons are falling over the crowd at a Rainbow Kitten Surprise concert at the Anthem on New Year’s Eve, some of them popping: 

Mid-20s guy to the woman he’s with: “What if the guy blowing up all of those balloons had COVID.”

—

It always starts with the best intentions 

At the Brookland Farmers Market, a middle aged man is with a woman and they are looking at a seasonal vendor’s selection of homemade gifts. He’s looking and picking up a couple jewelry items and saying that he really has no business looking at the vendor’s offerings. 

Woman: “Is it for a Christmas gift?”
Man: “Well, the Christmas budget is blown — at this point it’s just reckless spending.”

—

They better have tipped generously

DHL delivery driver drops a package while walking into a Navy Yard apartment building around 5:30 on Christmas Eve. She turns to the pizza delivery driver walking into the same building: 

“That was me all day; dropping people’s shit.”

—

Um, this is weird

Two cars sitting at a red light at the intersection of M Street and First Street in NoMa. The one behind is honking and swearing furiously at the one in front after missing the light:

Woman in the car in front, chanting in a monotone voice (as if in a trance), over and over: “hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me…”

—

Forgive thyself 

A woman in her 20s to her table of companions at a bar on H Street:

“I felt guilty for a long time but the statute of limitations is up on that.”

— 

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.