Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

At the Shakespeare Theater in DC, after the Britney Spears Once Upon a One More Time musical, a 40-something man is stuck in the slow-moving aisle trying to exit, reading his phone. 

“I don’t think anyone in this crowd cares, but the Cowboys are up 7”

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They have those too?

At the entrance of the Mount Pleasant Library on Saturday afternoon, a woman leaving the library offers a warning to a mom and kid entering the library:

Woman: “They are out of tests.”
Mom: “That’s okay. We’re here for books.”

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Northern Virginia did not return DCist/WAMU’s request for comment

On a Zoom call with folks around the country discussing what cities have good overheards, a Maryland coworker noted:

“People in Northern Virginia just don’t go outside and say things so they don’t have good overheards.”

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Half?  

A man is among a group headed downtown in D.C.: 

Man: “What do you say we get another drink?”
Other man in the group: “What not? I’m already half in the bag. Might as well finish the job.”

—

Maybe you bought the wrong body soap?

Two women in their late 20/early 30s talking in Navy Yard:

“I LOVE the taste of ketchup but I hate smelling like ketchup!”

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See, he’s fine

Overheard on 20th Street in Adams Morgan: 

Woman to man who face-planted on a sidewalk: “Are you ok?”
Man (whose head is bleeding), laughing: “What I mostly am is inebriated.”

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You can’t fight nature

A man is giving his dog a hard time in Adams Morgan: 

“What the hell is wrong with you, man? Why you need to keep biting on squirrels? They eat nuts!”

—

But instead of heels, you’re holding Everything But The Bagel seasoning

At the Foggy Bottom Trader Joe’s, a long line snakes from the registers all the way to the start of the produce section. Two young women, perhaps college age, walk along the line carrying groceries as they search for the end of the line:

Woman #1 to Woman #2: “This is like the walk of shame.”

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Rare! A Cleveland Park, not Columbia Heights, Target overheard

A middle aged man is alone in the Cleveland Park Target, spending a long time sniffing each candle: 

With a sigh, wistfully: “If only you could eat candles.”

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You have to get the vegetables in somehow

A young couple is with a three or four-year-old child in Windmill Hill Park in Alexandria: 

Father (with child) talking to the mother: “We’re just having a conversation about the snowman.”
Mother: “We are not eating the carrot!”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.