Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Overheard at Blue Bottle Coffee in Georgetown on a quiet morning:

30-something white man (clearly a regular) to the cashier: “Yeah, I’m actually on leave from my job right now … I was trying to effectuate too much change. Probably need to find a new one soon.”

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I mean, if you think about it…

A group of 30-somethings playing a virtual, knock-off version of Cards Against Humanity:

Man: “Biological warfare: the latest advancement in sex-toy technology? Eh, that’s just all sex.”

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No foreplay quite like a Preamble

 Two 20-something women walking down 18th Street, near The Diner:

Woman 1: “Wait, he started talking to you about the Constitution in a bar?”
Woman 2: “Yeah is was so cute.”
Woman 1: “Oh you are so lucky! That’s soo D.C.”

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I’ll have ketchup and fries, hold the fries

At Takoma Busboys and Poets, a woman with a very authoritative voice orders for the family:

Her, concluding the order: “And I will have a side of ketchup. And the fries.”

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Fun sucker!

Woman in her 30s talking incredulously into her phone outside of Union Station:

“You are six months pregnant! No, you cannot go clubbing with me on Saturday!”

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Owned

A parent and 10-year-old child (dressed in a soccer uniform and holding a huge water jug) are outside a parked car in Petworth. The mother, frustrated, is using a towel on the car floor: 

Mother: “They should invent some sort of water bottle containment device … for cars.”
Daughter: “You mean … like a cup holder.”
Mother: *Exasperated sigh* “Whatever! You know what I mean!”

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The outfits are much less fun 

A woman in her late 20s is at a party in Arlington:

“When I was a kid I wanted to be a senator, like Padme from Star Wars. I remember watching C-SPAN for the first time, and man, I was so disappointed.”

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If you’re speeding, maybe

Overheard outside of Matchbox in Eastern Market:

Late 20s woman: “I live in Falls Church! It’s like 15 minutes from here, max!”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.