Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week

Middle-aged woman talking on the phone while walking through Woodley Park:

“It’s been a tough period. Broke my ankle; pandemic; litigation — both civil and criminal …”

—

Will everyone relax about those spiders already

Two white guys, probably in their early 30s, riding their bikes down East Capitol at 6:10 Thursday evening:

One to the other, loudly: “THEY DON’T EAT HUMAN BODIES.”

—

Oh.

A man and woman are sitting at The Raven, talking about work-related things. The man was some kind of educator: 

Man: “She’s like a super anti-vaxxer.”
Woman: “So what do you think she’s going to do?”
Man: “Probably stay in education.”

—

Urban planning is a tough job

Walking past the Court House Metro station in Arlington on a Thursday night, a man in his 20s says to a woman in her 20s:

“You know what this place is missing? They need Jumbo Slice here.”

—

The past two years have really aged us all, ok?

Overheard at dinner on a weekday night:

5-year-old: “Over the years I have eaten this.”
Dad: “You haven’t been alive long enough to use that phrase.”

—

Bright young mind!

At the zoo. a little girl, maybe two, on her dad’s shoulders:

“Afternoon is right before night.”

—

Wow, all of you are going to the zoo without us, huh

On the main trail at the Smithsonian Zoo, a dad is carrying his 4-year-old daughter on his shoulders:

Dad to daughter: “Who do you think is louder, the elephants, or you screaming in our house?”

—

#sponsored #ad #partner

On a busy Sunday afternoon at REI in Falls Church. A middle aged female customer is at the register:

Cashier: “Ma’am would you like a bag for this”
Customer: (pulls down mask) “Sure”

*pause*

Customer: “Oh but only if you have one that doesn’t say ‘REI’ on it”
Cashier: (takes a beat to process and actually looks left and then right) “Uh… we don’t unfortunately…”

—

A real horse oligarch girl

At Je Ne Sais Quoi cafe in DuPont, a young couple is discussing the political situation in Ukraine and Russia:

Woman: “… That’s one of my favorite oligarchs. [Moments later] Do you like horses?”
Man: “I don’t dislike horses.”

—

Truly everybody’s a scammer these days

20-something woman with her father dining outside in Woodley Park:

Woman: “The woman who is coming is pretty much my coolest friend. She had a book on the New York Times Best Seller List.”

Later, the friend arrives.

Woman to the friend: “I was telling my dad about how you had a book on the New York Times Best Seller List.”
Friend: “No I didn’t.”

_