Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Overheard at Nats Park: 

An old man in a service wheelchair to the attendant trying to push him over one of those cord protector bumps: “Gotta put some ass into it.”

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2-Year-Old Presents: The Case For QR Codes 

A young woman is pushing a stroller with a 2-year-old holding a Commissary menu down P Street, clearly returning to Commissary.

Woman: “And we are going to go back in there and then you are going to explain to them that you stole their menu and you will apologize for stealing.”

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Weird flex but okay

Group of three 30-somethings biking on upper Beach Drive on a Saturday:

Woman: “I’ve always had a very small bladder. Lots of bed wetting when I was a child.”
Others: [silence]
Woman: “I don’t think there is a single relative’s bed that I haven’t peed in at some point in my life.”

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You heard him!

An older man is getting into a car, saying goodbye to a group on the sidewalk in Columbia Heights:

“Alrighty now. Take care. Don’t get into no fights. Or if you do, make sure you win!”

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Something tells me she didn’t get…vanilla

A late-20’s woman and her mid-20’s male friend are standing in a long line at the Ben and Jerry’s on the Wharf. The woman is describing her reproductive health and tracking her ovulation cycle:

“I’m giving off pheromones, that means I’m like mhmm, mhmm.” [Proceeds to hump the air.]

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I think I’m gonna be sick 

20-something guy overheard in West End:

“That’s how it works. It’s just cause it’s me. I try to do something nice and end up getting yelled at.”

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Inspiration to us all 

Overheard in West End

One 20-something woman: “And you only cried three times?”
Friend: “In less than 3 weeks!

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Huge fan of this rebrand 

Overheard on the National Mall: 

50-year-old woman to to roughly 14-year-old-girl: “If the Mall is DC’s front yard, then the Smithsonian is DC’s attic.”

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Even bigger fan of this one 

A woman in her 40s is showing her ring to a friend outside a Dupont coffee shop:

Woman 1: “After my divorce I went out and got myself this ring: for me, myself and I. That’s why there’s 3 stones. See?”
Friend: “Wow, I love that…”

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No, but it would still be late

While walking to Union Station on a weekend afternoon, a young boy to his mom:

“Do you need to make a reservation to ride the metro?”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.