Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week:

A woman in her early 20s is having an animated phone conversation while walking down Calvert Street in Adams Morgan:

“…I guess? Or maybe she was just nostalgic about seeing a D.C. rat? I really don’t know…”

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Can we talk about the political and economic state of the world rn

A couple at Sfoglina in Van Ness at dinner, discussing President Biden meeting BTS:

Woman: “He did the finger heart. He has hip staffers.”
Man: “He is America’s idol”
Woman: “Have Biden come back to me with a nose job, jawline definition, and botox and then we’ll discuss his idol status. And how are his two-step and biceps?
*silence*
Man: “So another drink?”

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…no comment

An eight-year-old is playing Minecraft and thinks his parents on the other side of his desk don’t know. As the dad walks around the desk behind the kid, he tries to quickly switch tabs:with his 

Dad: “One day you will be a teenager and you will have much more embarrassing things and I want you to remember that you cannot switch your tabs fast enough for me not to see.”
Eight-year-old: “I’m going to practice [switching tabs] now.”

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I think it’s Corinthians 8:15?

Overheard on a Red Line train: 

Someone, shouting to the car: “I’m holding a counseling session here!”
Then speaking loudly, apparently to the counsel-ee over the phone: “God doesn’t want you to do all that extra-sexual activity! Where in the Bible does it say to suck someone’s dick and eat someone’s ass?!”

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A picture that’s worth 1,000 close contacts

One mom talking to another during a school event:

Mom 1: “Do you think we should share the photos from the event or would that prove that it was a superspreader event?”
Mom 2: “I think everyone already knows it was.”

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Tomato, tomahto

In a Georgetown common area, a young woman is talking to her friends, all undergrads: 

“First of all, call them ‘dagers.’ ‘Darty’ sounds gross.”

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RIP Freud you would’ve loved this one

Outside Souk in Barracks Row, a couple is looking at the menu:

Man: “‘Golden milk.’ That sounds sexual.”

—

That’s a compliment!

Overheard at the Dupont farmer’s market

Floppy-haired woman, to her friend: “Yeah, my hairdresser completely roasted me and called it the BTS special.”

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What wave of feminism, etc

Two women in their early 20s were talking to each other at Rise Bakery in AdMo

Woman 1: “Hey, what happened to you and the boyfriend? Why’d you break up?”
Woman 2: “Oh, I cheated on him.”
Woman 1: “…I love that for you!”

—

TIL there’s actually a foie gras crisis

A 40-ish man is on the phone crossing Laurel Avenue in downtown Takoma Park:

“Much too much foie gras … exactly, exactly, unbelievably distasteful. Wretched. Let us pray for the sinner.”

—

Classic Ace/McDonald’s mixup! (RIP?)

A woman is talking on a cell phone, standing across the street from Ace Hardware on Connecticut Ave:

Woman 1: “Yes, I’m standing out front.”
Woman 2: “No, I don’t see you.”
Woman 1: “You can’t be standing in front of Ace Hardware because I’m standing in front of Ace Hardware and you’re not here.”

—

Perhaps time to brush up on the tour training materials

Tour group at the Lincoln Memorial: 

Group Leader: “And here you can get great pictures of the Washington Monument and the Washington Memorial.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.