Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Two men in their fifties are swapping stories about all the drugs they’ve ever done on a Red Line train in Bethesda. One of them starts describing a concoction of marijuana steeped in Everclear over a 30-day period. After repeating the recipe in detail ad nauseum, he concludes:

“And at the end, you strain it. Looks just like green tea.”

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It’s double digits! Is that a real question!

A mother and her young daughter walking out of a Trader Joe’s in Maryland:

Mom to daughter: “Why does she need an afterparty? She’s turning 10 years old!”

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Is this what happens to you when you get a PhD

Man and woman waiting to cross at 20th and P streets in Dupont Circle, walk signal is taking a long time and the woman is impatient to cross:

Man: “Oh, so we’re going to get into the symbiotics? It’s a signifier, great! If there’s an underlying principle, let’s hear it.”
Woman: “The light is a machine that clearly was delayed. You were a lemming because you were waiting for a light to tell you what to do even though it was clearly incorrect. The traffic light had been red for like 20 seconds.”
Man: “I guess I’m a conformist for following the traffic laws.”

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Someone didn’t get an invite

Overheard in Glover Park:

A middle-aged man on the phone, every word sharp and punctuated: “That’s a very nice story. I hope you have a lovely party.”

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Woman 2 just watched a Ted Talk on Shine Theory

Two 20-something women on the walk home from the workday in Dupont circle:

Woman 1: “She’s the type of friend that wears the pants.”
Woman 2: “Why does someone have to wear the pants? Can’t we both be wearing pants?”

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Does one need a motto at the strip club?

Overheard near the Vida Fitness in Logan Circle: 

“I was like, ‘that should be my motto at the strip club!’”

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They’re going down the aisle next

A couple (man and woman) seemingly affiliated with a wedding afterparty, hangs back from a group leaving Dirty Habit. They drunkenly kiss mid-sidewalk and the man tries to dip the woman. They both fall to the ground. A fight ensues. 

Mid-fight, the woman with arms stretched out yells to the sky: “I am not the problem!”

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Sounds like HER favorite Cuban place

Mom and her toddler are walking along the National Mall:

Mom: “We’re going to your favorite Cuban place next, we’re gonna go get mommy a mojito!”
Toddler: “Ok.”

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Thx for clarifying 

Overheard in Takoma Park: A man’s voice and woman’s voice were both trying to tell a story to another person or persons unknown: 

Man says, “He did NOT work for Blackwater. He worked for the company that became the company that BECAME Blackwater.”

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Yeah, yeah, they’re cute, okay

A couple is getting off the Columbia Heights Metro: 

Woman: “Should we get gummies from 7-11 on the way home?”
Man: “Alphabets or animals?”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.