Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. We’re also adding in some greatest hits from the Overheard archives.

Overheard of the Week: 

A 20-somethings man and woman walking towards 18th Street in Adams Morgan on a bright Saturday.

Woman: “Wow, I love these houses. AdMo looks so different in the daylight and sober.”

—

*pounding fists on table* YES! YES! YES!

A woman at nail salon in downtown D.C.:

“Yeah we bring our cat everywhere. We take him on walks to the Mall, he’s even come to the beer garden with us.”

—

Well with that attitude

Two women walking together on Columbia Road in Adams Morgan: 

One woman: “They’re all like ‘you need to go back to therapy.’ What the fuck is therapy gonna do?”

—

In a Time of Division, Local Rat Brings Unity

Almost midnight on Friday near Shaw, a couple in their thirties is walking down the sidewalk. The woman suddenly jumps into the bike lane and cuts off 2 cyclists coming towards her: 

Cyclist: “Come on, girl!”
Woman: “I’m so sorry, there was a rat!”
Cyclist from half a block away at that point: “Ohh ok, I totally understand.”

—

Good friend behavior

At 9:30 Club, waiting for Fantastic Negrito to open:

Mid 20s guy, super matter of fact: “Oh yeah, I hooked up with my boss – I found him in Grindr.”
Friend: “I’m not saying I’m not into it.”

—

Cue violin-screeching horror movie sound

Three 20-somethings at a bar in Clarendon: 

Guy to others: “I don’t know if you know me but I’m known for making bad decisions.”

—

Consultants?

Four 20-something women talking in the bathroom of Dacha Navy Yard:

One woman: “Who says ‘I love you’ and responds with ‘Let’s circle back’?”

—

Oh, to have been there to hear his response! 

Two women in their late 20s are having a drink outside Quinn’s On the Corner in Rosslyn:

One woman: “I told him I won’t have babies with him, because he’s not an active ally.”

—

We are accepting guesses for his star sign

A guy and woman are talking about a friend’s dating life while waiting in line at the Mt. Pleasant farmers market coffee truck:

“He goes on a Hinge date and he’s in love. No matter how mediocre the Hinge date is.”

—

@MilesTeller 

20-something former high-school friends are having a lively discussion at a Takoma eatery about the man’s facial hair possibilities:

Her: “Mustaches are so seldom sexy. I feel like you’d have to be a firefighter to carry it. Like that would be a job requirement.”

—

Just…bleak

Two women walking out of the Wharf CVS:

Woman 1: “This shortage is so bad.”
Woman 2: “I ain’t gonna go searching for pads, I’d rather just pay $30 for Depends.”

—

:/ 

On the street in front of the Supreme Court, a middle-aged man with a British accent wanders into the crowd clearly protesting the overturning of Roe v Wade:

“Is that the Supreme Court?”

—

Is this a slam poem

Overheard at a bar in Shaw, a 20-something woman talking to a 20-something man: 

“I can’t judge, I went to NYU. I’ve done coke in a T.G.I. Friday’s–”

—

Certainly, surely, definitely could not be user error

Two frat-ish looking young men walking down the sidewalk at the Wharf: 

Guy #1 looking at his phone doing the “I’m lost” circle: “It says it is in Federal Triangle.”
Guy #2: “Bro, that building does not exist, Google Maps is wrong.”

—

At least one thing was clean! 

Walking by a row of SITW port-a-potties on Jefferson & 7th:

A festival goer opens a door, gasps: “Oh. My. God. This is so cleeeeeeean!”

—

So sounds like no one is doing well 

Overheard on the midnight 54 bus at 14th and U:

Guy boards the bus and as he sits down announces: “I’m stinky. I’m in a bad mood. And I don’t want to talk to anyone!”
Guy #2: “Same here.”
Guy #3: ‘Same here.”
Guy #4: “Those are qualifications to ride this bus.”

—

NVM, at least they are

Overheard at Parkway Deli in Silver Spring on a weekend afternoon. A family enters and notices the pickle bar, which was closed during COVID, recently reopened:

Father: “OMG, the pickle bar is back?!”
Son, raising his fists in the air in celebration: “YES!!!”

—

Define shit

At the Wharf near the 7th street park, a very drunk dressed-up woman is yelling at her male companion:

“So you’re a doctor at Johns Hopkins and you have a $500,000 house. Guess what? THAT’S SHIT.”

—

A true injustice 

Three 20-somethings are told to move out of business class seats on Amtrak’s Northeast Regional to D.C. because they have coach tickets: 

One says: “Our capitalist society…”

—

The hybrid modality of it all

At a Foggy Bottom office building on a Friday, two early 40s, besuited men are discussing an upcoming meeting:

Suit 1: “Are they going to have refreshments?”
Suit 2: [cheerfully] “Oh, I don’t know!”
Suit 1: [deadpan] “Hmm, this isn’t my usual office day, so it would be nice if they had… refreshments.”

—

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.