Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. We’re also adding in some greatest hits from the Overheard archives.

Overheard of the Week: 

Two 12-year-old boys at the crosswalk near Georgetown are waiting for the walk sign. One turns to the other and says:

“If you have to force it, it’s probably shit. That’s life advice for love and farts.”

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Nothing gets by her

A 20-something girl is with a group of friends at the Bullpen before a Nats game, talking about the Sweetgreen menu for summer:

“They’re pretending it’s special to have it in their summer peach salad. Fuck you, you have goat cheese year round!”

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They should have a podcast 

Two young politics bros riding the L2 on a weekday evening: 

Bro 1: “I’m not an economist, but I do know that tackling inflation can’t just be done by like…”
Bro 2: “Vibes.”
Bro 1: “Yeah.”

—

That’s not how any of this is supposed to work

Waiting to cross the street near Dupont Circle, possibly a tourist: 

“My sister told my brother that she has COVID but she won’t tell anyone else.”

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I think I get it

A man and woman in their mid-20s are walking in Shaw over the holiday weekend, discussing reproductive health and the recent announcement of a female acquaintance, in the wake of the Supreme Court decision, that she will now use multiple forms of birth control: 

Woman: “I’m not fucking around. Literally. LITERALLY.”

—

Bus drivers are definitely not paid enough

On an S2 bus, a passenger is talking to the driver about cars. He says he is a fan of some spacious automobile model because: 

“You can make love to your wife up front and you don’t need a hotel room. This is a free country. I can make love to my woman wherever I want!”

—

July 23, 2021: Nostalgia for the Hot Vax Summer that never was

Overheard in a Navy Yard apartment pool:

Guy to woman: “Yeah, there’s nothing more erotic than being around people right now.”

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April 2, 2021: Major, major yikes 

Two 30-somethings are having a drink in Dupont Circle:

Girl: “Woah, hold up, somebody died!”
Guy: “What? Who?”
*long pause, Girl reads phone*
Girl: “Oh, it’s nothing. Just G. Gordon Liddy. He’s a son-of-a-bitch but the way my phone blew up I thought it was somebody meaningful. Got my hopes up Alito had croaked and this day might be salvaged after all.”
Guy: “Totally.” …long pause… “Wait, didn’t you put your dog to sleep this morning?”

—

June 25, 2021: He said down with Big Monogamy!

Five young students, maybe in fifth or sixth grade, are walking in Chevy Chase around lunchtime:

Boy to group, emphatically: “Why does everyone have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Why does everyone have to date?”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.