Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

A 20-something woman talking to her friend about the recent Supreme Court rulings at a restaurant in Arlington:

“Constitutional law is basically founding fathers fan-fic.”

—

The beginning of a theater-kid arc 

On July 4, a mom, dad, and 4 kids (ranging from about 5-12) are walking through the Capitol Hill neighborhood toward Barracks Row in fully bedazzled red, white, and blue regalia for the parade:

Mom to approximately 8-year-old daughter: “Yes, you are socially awkward too, but YOU’RE socially awkward AND adorable and hilarious!”

—

The genius bar can be a really defeating place 

Overheard outside the Carnegie Library/Apple store. A man is exiting the library/Apple store, and talking on the phone:

“I just did my walk of shame.”

—

women.gif

Two women in their 20s walking on U Street, late Saturday night: 

Woman 1: “I don’t think I’m slutty enough.”
Friend: “No, that’s okay.”

—

Is grandma a cop?

Group of fashionably dressed women in their 20s walking down 18th street in Adams Morgan:

One woman: “What’s this place?”
Another: “Oh Tryst! This is supposed to be good. My grandma told me about it.”

—

Not true, some of us just want to afford rent and hang out

Overheard on the Metro platform in Brookland. 

High-school-age girl to her friend: “I have this song stuck in my head that my mom plays on repeat on the Alexa.”
[Sing-talks chorus to “Everybody Wants To Rule the World“]
Friend: “Ugh, that’s so D.C.”

—

All roads lead to the Cantina 

Walking towards the 100 block of King Street in Old Town Alexandria, towards the waterfront.

The matriarch of a tourist family: “We can go back to the FANCY TACO BELL a few blocks back.”
*Family nods in excitement and turns around*

—

He’ll read that Matty Healy profile eventually 

Overheard on the Amtrak from D.C. to NYC, two college-age or 20-something men sitting next to each other working off a computer:

“When I die, I want you to bury my open [computer] tabs with me.”

—

Check plz!!!

Two 30-somethings on a semi-awkward date at José Andrés’ The Bazaar on Friday evening:

Woman, who appeared to be wearing plastic medical tape across her nose: “I have like emergency money. My savings is emergency money.”
Man: “Well how much money is in your savings?”
Woman, uncomfortably: “Ummm… I don’t know. I would have to log on to my online banking and check. I’m not sure exactly.”
Man: “Well, is it about $30,000 to $40,000?”
Woman, still uncomfortably: “Ummmm… yeah, sure, something like that.”
*Awkward silence ensues*

—

Never stop asking questions, person 4

Various thoughts by a group of four early 20-somethings having a drink at the Smithsonian Folklife Festival:

Person 1: “I was thinking folk music festival, but it’s folk-LIFE?!”
Person 2: “I was expecting it to be a Renaissance fair.”
Person 3: “Where are the Ozarks?”
Person 4: “There’s mountains there? In Missouri?”
Person 1: “[The festival] is not just today?”
Person 2: “No, this is going on for several weeks!”
Person 4: “Who is funding this?!”

—