Colleen Grablick
It’s that time of year, folks. Retire the cat ears, the skeleton jumpsuit, or whatever meme-based costume you were going to show off this Halloween season. We have compiled our annual list of locally-inspired fits that will be sure to win over (or annoy, or maybe educate!) your friends at the festivities this year. The longer it takes to explain the inspiration behind the costume, the better!
Tony P
Well, let’s get this one out of the way. I suspect there may be many Tony Ps stumbling around sticky 20-something bars this Halloweekend — a testament to the ordinariness of the muse himself. The appeal of the Tony P costume lies — as does the appeal of Tony P the man — in its earnest simplicity. Find a suit and pair it with a funky tie. Find a pair of khakis and pair them with a billowy golf shirt. Find a pair of jeans and pair them with the jersey of a Boston-based sports team, preferably football for seasonal continuity. Don’t forget the aviators. Carry around a plate of raw fish filets (maybe salmon or cod) or a Subway sandwich. If you somehow get stuck in your costume ideating, you can watch one of Tony P’s hundreds of videos breaking down exactly how to mimic the look of a 24-year-old 25-year-old bachelor in D.C. Walk around with a quiet confidence and wait for the praise to pour over you.
Pickleball player, pickleball court, pickleball NIMBY
We’d be remiss to provide a list of D.C.-based costumes without mentioning pickleball, the sport (and neighborhood strife subject) du jour this year. This option is all about versatility — you could even make it a group costume! To go as a pickleball player, wear athletic clothing (I don’t even really know what one wears to play pickleball but I’m assuming it’s not dissimilar to tennis): something like a little skirt and visor, or a sleeveless dry-fit shirt with wrap-around sunglasses. For full-send bit commitment, carry a racquet and ding it on surfaces in a grating, erratic rhythm, or make soft grunts under your breath throughout the evening. (Don’t do that.)
To go as a court, wear an outfit consisting of various shades of dark and light blue and white, with a pop of yellow in an armband or hat, and make it a point to squeak your sneakers across the floor. (Don’t do that either.) If you’d find yourself more suited to a pickleball NIMBY getup — role-playing as one of the neighbors whose lives and eardrums can no longer withstand the soundtrack of dings, squeaks, and whacks of the sport — wear normal clothes and walk around with a frown, telling the pickleballers in your group to SHH! Or, more fittingly, you could just stay home and file a noise complaint about your neighbor’s Halloween party. (Definitely don’t do that!)
Ghost Bus
While WMATA pledged to solve the ghost bus issue that’s been haunting riders for years, people continue to encounter fickle buses that disappear from GPS tracking apps. For this costume, drape a white sheet over yourself and text your friends that you’re “leaving in ten” despite having zero plans to leave your home whatsoever. To complete the bit, simply never arrive at the evening’s festivities at all. The next day, apologize profusely over text and vow to never do it again, knowing that you may likely do the exact same thing in the near future.
Tiny Timber
Short kings, queens, and jesters rise up! This is a costume that proves good things do come in small packages. Last holiday season, Columbia Heights wowed Washingtonians with a humble fir, lovingly named Tiny Timber. Some residents said Timber left “a lot to be desired” on account of the tree’s … modest stature, but his allegedly “pathetic” size ended up working in his favor. Classic! Timber became somewhat of a local celeb, for better or for worse. He was the target of a tumbling campaign (someone knocked him over for reasons still unknown — but like any underdog, Timber rose above the hate) and his notoriety ended up being a boon for District Bridges, the local nonprofit responsible for procuring the tree that connects residents in Columbia Heights Civic Plaza with government resources. Wear dark green on the top and bottom, adorn yourself with a string of lights that only half-works, and whenever you’re feeling a bit tired at the Halloween party, just lie down.
“A Downtown Killer”
This costume draws on a time-honored D.C. tradition: a spat between Mayor Muriel Bowser and the D.C. Council. Earlier this spring, the council introduced two pieces of legislation that, in the executive’s eyes, stood as massive roadblocks (pun intended) to her big goal of revitalizing a post-pandemic downtown. One bill wanted to create a $2 congestion charge for Ubers or Lyfts in and out of downtown during rush hour, while another would’ve gutted funding for the long-planned K Street Transitway makeover. Bowser called the provisions a “downtown killer,” and vowed to oppose them. This costume requires one to get a bit abstract in their thinking but is sure to land really well after you spend 15 minutes explaining the complicated contours of D.C. local politics and transit infrastructure to partygoers: wear a suit or business-adjacent attire and ask everyone who arrives at or exits the function via rideshare for $2. If you’d rather lean into the Transitway of it all, stand in a crowded hallway or sidewalk and move slowly, making it difficult for pedestrian traffic to move by you.
McDonald’s Mumbo Sauce (couples costume option available)
In late September, the fast food giant announced that starting on Oct. 9, the tangy sauce that flows through D.C.’s veins would be available at locations across the U.S. Wear a deep, almost burgundy red get-up. To make it a couple’s costume, have your pal, your lover, your kid, dress up as a chicken nugget. You’d win the hearts and stomachs of pretty much anyone in D.C., aside from Mayor Bowser, who is famously annoyed by the District’s staple condiment.
Brookland Bear
For those who love to be the center of attention, dressing up as Smokey the Brookland Bear will be sure to win adoring eyes at your Halloween happenings. The dedicated could seek out a bear costume, although you could probably just wear a black, sherpa-esque sweater and some black pants and call it a day. Like Smokey, who spent a morning snoozing in a tree as Brooklanders gathered with mouths agape below him, you could spend the party sprawled on a couch, unbothered by the world around you. He also showed up right around the time that Canadian wildfire smoke was blanketing D.C., so one could really lean into the character acting if a partygoer pulls out some sort of … substance … at the gathering. Let’s hope you avoid Smokey’s fate and do not get hit with a tranquilizer dart and shipped off to Maryland at the night’s conclusion.
Survivor of the Beyoncé concert at FedEx Field
A costume to honor what DCist/WAMU reporter Sarah Y. Kim described as both a “life-and-death nightlong struggle” and a thunderous, euphoric, existential exploration of Beyoncé’s divinity. Don a sequined or bedazzled or otherwise glittery outfit, and drench yourself in water. Like, get in the shower fully dressed. If there’s rain in the forecast, leave that umbrella at home. Rim your eyes sloppily in eyeliner and mascara and then rub it all over your face until you look like (as Sarah said) a sopping clown. Dance at the Halloween function with the exuberance of someone who had been lucky enough to share the same air as Beyoncé herself, even if that air was sliced intermittently with lightning bolts above the region’s crown jewel, FedEx Field.
A Tatte
If you struggle with creativity, look no further. Perhaps the easiest of the costumes on this list, to dress up as a Tatte — the bakery chain that’s pervaded the city’s Northwest quadrant over the past three years and become a personal point of trauma for this reporter in particular — dig out the most boring, uninspired pieces of clothing in your wardrobe. Think: tan khakis and a black shirt. Or black pants and a tan shirt. Or black pants and a white shirt. The more blank the better. Maybe pair it with some Allbirds or whatever sneakers they sell at Madewell, but do not add accessories. Then, to really get into the character acting of this costume, appear at various parties or events within a few blocks of each other in Dupont Circle, West End, and Foggy Bottom and offer free wifi to everyone using your phone as a hotspot.
For more local inspiration…
DCist’s 2022 Guide To Local Halloween Costumes
DCist’s 2021 Guide To Last-Minute D.C. Halloween Costume Ideas
DCist’s 2020 Guide To Last-Minute D.C. Halloween Costume Ideas
The 2019 DCist Guide To Last-Minute D.C. Halloween Costume Ideas
The Best D.C.-Centric Halloween Costumes of 2018
The 2017 Guide To D.C.-Centric Halloween Costumes
The 2016 DCist Guide to Last Minute, D.C.-Centric Halloween Costumes
The 2014 Guide to D.C.-Centric Halloween Costumes
The 2013 DCist Guide to Washington-Centric Halloween Costumes
