“I guess I’ve got to acknowledge I do have a slightly goofy quality.”

Poor AlertDC. Even when it’s actually providing District residents with somewhat valuable information potentially affecting more than six people, it has to use the subject which probably made a whole bunch of recipients chuckle and say “that’s what she said.”

We need to have a talk, NBC. Because if you’re going to continue to print stories like this, we’re going to have to crack jokes in response to every single part of it.

This morning, many Washingtonians were pretty surprised to get some big, breaking news from The Onion’s Twitter feed.

Can anyone honestly tell me that they wouldn’t pay good money to see people lay into NBC4 reporter Pat Collins like NBC News anchor Brian Williams did on the air Saturday night? Because I know I would. Jim Vance could MC, it’d be the social event of the year — seriously, make this happen, NBC4.

Hey, did you see? Stephen Colbert is in town today. (That’s one itchy TweetDeck trigger finger you’ve got there, Mr. Colbert.) The funnyman will be spending his afternoon in the District to file paperwork related to his “super PAC,” which he hopes will allow him to raise and spend innumerable amounts of cash on election-related efforts, while simultaneously becoming the first person in the history of the world to make jokes about campaign finance regulation hilarious. (The idea of Colbert running ads without politicians’ permission has some serious legs, you have to admit.)

Recently dissed by one user as but the third-best government Twitter account in town, it’s obvious that the Department of Consumer and Regulatory Affairs won’t be taking such slights lying down.

While Bryan Weaver remains the undisputed champion of the longform YouTube local campaign advertisement — what with the Cool Disco Dan references, “Dirty Old Town” and all — the above effort from the Joshua Lopez campaign, if somewhat forced, at least proves that Weaver’s not the only candidate unafraid to crack a couple “Fully Loaded” jokes at Council Chair Kwame Brown’s expense.

At DCist, we’ve never been one to get in on the traditional April Fools’ Day hijinx. But that doesn’t mean we won’t highlight the notable efforts of local publications when we see them — and this year, oy, is there ever plenty of material for media outlets to work with. The Hatchet, the student newspaper of George Washington University, decided to get an head start by running this April Fools’ story, claiming that G.W. would be renamed in honor of “District Overlord Vinny Grey.”

The problem with tongue-in-cheek humor? It pushes your said muscular hydrostat so far off to the side that your ability to spit fire is somewhat limited. To wit: GQ‘s “Welcome to Congress!” feature, which purports to serve as “the Freshman Orientation [new Congressmembers] need to make the most of your time here saying no to the status quo!” — and specifically, the feature’s map to places of note that new Congressmembers should be aware of.