One who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; one who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.
— Chinese proverb

Five minutes, bah! DCist will gladly sacrifice 5,000,000 minutes on the fool throne for you, DCers. We know that you have burning questions (or questions about that strange burning) waiting to be set forth upon the world, and no one to ask them of. We offer ourselves up to be your fool, to track down your answers, dig deep into the dark shadows of D.C., to taste, test, research, sample, query, and maybe even get on the phone and ask our mom and dad for an explanation if you still don’t know where babies come from. All you need to do is Ask DCist.

In the sometimes colorful, yet always informative style of Ask Gothamist, DCist can’t promise a lack of sarcasm (think less Miss Manners and more Ask the Fruitcake Lady), but we can promise style, pizzazz, an earnest effort to please, and quite a bit of legitimate information. All questions are entertained, D.C. specific questions are our specialty, and even if we can’t answer them while keeping this site safe for work consumption we will certainly ponder them thoughtfully over a cocktail or two (please send all NSFW questions to our brethren advice column, Playboy Advisor, thanks!).

Send all queries to ask (at) dcist.com. Ask DCist will be a regular feature each Tuesday starting next week. Perhaps more frequently if you are an inquisitive bunch. Come on, try us out, it can’t hurt (or maybe it can, we can’t say one way or the other yet.) The only thing you have to risk is…well, remaining a fool forever we guess.