ButterReality? Buttershtick?

Maybe he’s big enough for Wikipedia standards, but does Butterstick have his own reality show? No. But the gorillas at the Prague Zoo do, challenging the ‘stick in a competition for the hottest eye candy to hit an international zoo. After Czechs decided they’d had their puke-worthy share of American reality television, they came up with “Unmasking“, their own satirical spin-off. Contestants aren’t thrown onto a desolate island. They’re not running around Manhattan performing business ventures. They’re residents of the Prague Zoo, right next to the giraffe cage and across from the public restrooms.

This week, voters throughout the Czech Republic will select their favorite ape on the Survivor-style show — the remaining ones include Richard (the only male), Kamba, Shinda or Kijivu. The lucky winner’s prize? Twelve ripe watermelons. Melon in Czech means “millions,” a clear jab at our obsession with money prizes and everything reality television. It all started when the creator of the show, Miroslav Bobek, placed 16 cameras in the gorilla pavilion and over the last three months, let the animals take care of the rest. Here we were thinking the Panda Cam was revolutionary. “Unmasking” also has their own website with around-the-clock coverage of the pavilion’s drama. Watch out for gorilla brawls and explicit sex footage (no joke, Richard and Kamba brought in the New Year animal style…).

So why doesn’t ‘stick have his own show? Maybe his mother Mei Xiang wouldn’t approve of such wild behavior and indecent public exposure, but then it’s not like he hasn’t been subjected to enough paparazzi attention already. He’s still young, yes, and if this is something of a beauty contest, he’d naturally be the shoe-in contestant. Plus, the watermelons might be a bit rough on his fluffy digestion tract. (Mei would have to interrupt her heavy schedule to cut them into baby pieces).

But perhaps, if they replace the prize with twelve bamboo sticks, then maybe we’d consider.

Picture snapped by Hoffmann.