FEMA announced at a news conference this morning that it is fully prepared to handle the traffic disaster expected to begin mid-afternoon today as a result of heavy holiday weekend travel.
“With more than half a million people potentially caught in traffic this Memorial Day Weekend, we are standing by and ready to assist in every way we can,” said a spokesman yesterday.
Relief workers will be stationed along area highways with MREs and bottled water, porta-johns, back issues of US Weekly, and Play Station Portables. Governors Tim Kaine and Robert Ehrlich, along with D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams, are expected to declare the entire region a disaster area sometime early this afternoon. They have advised motorists to travel with a supply of duct tape and plastic sheeting.
(Yes, this is a joke.)
