MONDAY
The troubled Americans of the McSweeney’s empire have built their legacy on ironic footnote deployments, mock mawkishness, and the transformation of the esoteric into the sublime. Plus some funny-ass lists and stuff. Tonight, join Evany Thomas and Dustin Long as they read from The Secret Language of Sleep and Icelander, respectively. It will be like staring into the face of God. Olsson’s Dupont Circle, 1307 19th St. NW, 7 p.m.

TUESDAY
Ariel Dorfman comes to the District of Columbia Jewish Community Center mere weeks before Theatre J mounts the world premiere of his new play Picasso’s Closet? Smells synergistastic! DCJCC, 1529 16th St. NW., at 7:30 p.m. $10.

WEDNESDAY
We know, we know, Anderson Cooper’s in town, signing Dispatches from the Edge and getting panties thrown at him from afar. Remember when journalists didn’t spend significant parts of their careers hawking books? That’s why we’re recommending you bypass the scores of fawning Cooperphiles and hear from one of our favorite local authors instead — in this case, the charming and funny Sarah Grace McCandless, who’ll be at Olsson’s in Penn Quarter, reading from The Girl I Wanted To Be. It won’t bother you one bit that she never hosted The Mole. 418 7th St. NW., at 7 p.m.