As we reported last month, this city seems to be buying Tommy’s Scientific schtick whether or not he is still feeling indigestion pains after placenta consumption. In the hometown of Scientology (is it really allowed to share a suffix with Microbiology and Physiology?), L. Ron’s people are revving up to open their new location on 16th St. in NW, and as of today, go-time is set for the fall. With so much more space, they hope to have 200 staffers at the new locale, and with only 80 currently at the Founder’s Church, this leaves a few slots open for job hunters.
The woman administering E-meter readings outside Dupont today says the new compound is just enough closer to Congress that interested “political people” can drop in and learn more, and when asked if this happens a lot, she nodded her head violently with an eerie smile. Making the whole where-the-hell-d’ya-get-all-that-money question even more mystifying, she also said a huge monitor will display E-meter readings to revitalize outdoor tests, just like similar screens used in Times Square.
Inside, video footage from around the world will display other members “fighting evil” in a variety of settings, split-screen style. You can also watch Lafayette Ron’s old lectures in fifty different languages. He’ll teach you how to psychoanalyze coworkers so that you can weed out the corrupt ones and anticipate when they want to sleep with your wife or “borrow” your car keys and never return. In Japanese. Or Portuguese.
Stylistically, the new place will be more “modern-looking,” since although the classic Mansion Look is nice, they want to more accurately reflect their modern message. Hopefully this means more digitally-enhanced shots of the sunset and erupting volcanoes. And with more wall space, chances are we’ll get more pin-ups of L. Ron clad in neck scarves or sailor gear.
When’s the last time the Catholic Church got on the cover of Peopleor US Weekly? Or had a rooftop terrace café and treadmills downstairs for purification purposes?
Will the neighborhood reaction be just as silent as the birth?
