WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams’ on-going crackdown on crime in the nation’s capital, District police officers burst into various Senate Office Buildings this morning, sources tell DCist. The officers, clad in SWAT uniforms and roughly pushing Senate staffers to the ground, raided a number of sundry stores in the Senate complex and confiscated multiple cartons of cigarettes.

“We’d heard reports that cigarettes were being sold in Senate stores without charging the local $1 tax per pack,” noted D.C. Police Chief Charles Ramsey. “We could not let this flaunting of the law stand. We have a crime emergency on our hands — and the law must be enforced,” he continued.

Various senators complained of the show of force, decrying the use of tear gas and questioning the need for police to dramatically burst through windows when doors remained a useable alternative. “This is too much,” stated Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.). “I mean, did they have to use those blinding grenades?”

District officials defended the raid as necessary to fight crime in the District, which has been on the rise in recent months. “If a 16-year-old can’t be out at 10:30 on a weeknight, why should Senate staffers get to buy cigarettes and not pay taxes on them?” asked Williams after reviewing the scene.

Unlikely, but hilarious to imagine. But seriously, though — should products sold in the Capitol and its surrounding buildings have to abide by local tax laws? They are within the boundaries of the District, after all, and we do face an annual deficit based on the federal government’s presence here…