Look, far be it from me to downplay the importance of monitoring young college students to prevent them from overindulging in alcohol — but sweet fancy Moses, this Post piece about policing the University of Maryland’s drinking scene is nearly laughable. Some of the lowlights recorded by reporter Jenna Johnson: “But the most obvious clue that they are freshmen? No red cups in hand, Ecker said. They haven’t learned to bring their own cups to keggers.” (Oh, those adorable freshmen! When will they ever learn that wearing high school shirts and not carrying your own cup is a dead giveaway for the po-po?) How about the anecdote in which the two underaged women walk directly past the Lieutenant which Johnson interviewed, openly discussing where to procure fake IDs — to which the officer can only muster an “I am standing right here!” Much less hilarious: the department’s Homer Simpson-esque solution to a brick wall where men gather to cat call and assault women: lobbying College Park to install “no loitering” signs and reminding officers to please crack down on “undesirables” who routinely get grabby with ladies. Why not just, you know, assign a police officer to stand at the wall? College Park, it’s a hell of a town.