With a tip of the cap to Dan Steinberg, here’s your video introduction to the University of Maryland’s latest athletic triumph: the school’s new competitive eating team. In the above clip, CSN Washington’s Michael Jenkins tries to keep up with the students, who, obviously, pummel him into doughy, saucy, cheesy submission. Now, I don’t know about the lot of you, but I also had competitive eating contests when I was an undergraduate, though we simply called it “dinner.” (Oh, to possess that kind of metabolism again.)

But hey, good for these guys. After all, college is all about discovering who you really are as a person — and these dudes sure are really good at stuffing a ton of Ledo pizza down their gullet in a short period of time. Excelsior!