Photo by Reid Rosenberg

Say what you want about Metro, but the train operators continually surprise and amuse us — they’re staples of Overheard. It will truly be a sad day when WMATA mandates what they can and can’t say.

Overheard of the Week

Red Line to Shady Grove, 10:30 p.m. on a Saturday:

The train is almost completely empty, and most riders are ignoring the station announcements as usual.

Operator, over the loudspeaker: “This is Van Ness. Next stop… LAS VEGAS! Okay, Tenleytown, American University…”

After the jump, Amtrak operators are different, people have weird expectations for Chinatown, and restaurants.

Overheard in D.C. always relies on you, the reader, to hear the good stuff and send it in to our Overheard in D.C. email address. And make sure you tell us who said it, when, where and in what context.

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This man is clearly lost and delusional

Outside the Michael Ian Black book signing at Sixth and I Historic Synagogue Thursday night:

A man in his late 20s is on his phone, evidently trying to locate friends: “Dude, you know we’re in Chinatown right? There’s like a hundred Chinese places here.”

——

Life is hard

Tuesday, in front of the Donovan House hotel on Thomas Circle:

Forty-something man and woman, probably not a couple and more likely colleagues and business travelers, are walking into the hotel. Man says, “It’s weird walking in here after NOT getting out of a limo.”

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And this is why we can’t have nice things

Friday evening at Listrani’s, an Italian restaurant on MacArthur Boulevard NW:

A cashier is on the phone taking a delivery order for pizza.

Cashier: “Don’t you want vegetables with that?”
(Long pause while listening)
Cashier: “No, ma’am, I can’t guarantee that.”
(Hangs up)
Cashier, exasperated and incredulous, to his wait staff: “She wanted us to make it exactly like Domino’s!”

——

Somebody’s sleeping alone tonight

Walking down Connecticut Avenue NW in Cleveland Park:

A young couple is walking, the man is pushing a stroller with infant inside.
Just then a young woman runs past all of us pushing a jogging stroller with infant inside, and speeds ahead.

Man behind me, to wife: “That should be you.”
Woman: “Hmm.”

——

Is today opposite day?

In the shoe department:

Man: “I would prefer if you bought something more expensive.”
Woman: “Seriously?
They walk off for a moment and come back:
Man: “Yeah, Gucci or Chanel are timeless, so why bother with these cheap ones.”

——

Speaker Boehner? Or just some other unlucky guy

On New Hampshire Avenue NW in the evening:

Man in suit walking and talking loudly on his cell phone: “He looks like a piece of human jerky. Whoever did that should be sued for malpractice.”

——

Workplace ethics

In a D.C. government agency office:

Three employees in a cubicle are looking at a laptop.

Middle-aged female employee to another “I gave up pork, fried chicken and gossip, so I’m not going to talk about her fiance. You’ll have to look at the photos yourself.”

——

Amtrak train operators are edgier than Metro’s

On an Amtrak train leaving Union Station en route to New York:

Conductor: “Alright everyone, listen up. Nobody misses their stop on my watch. Nobody gets hurt on my watch. If you don’t have a ticket to this train, next stop is yours. Welcome to paradise.”

——

And finally, flying cars and hoverboards, I hope

In an office in Clarendon:

Worker No. 1: “Hey man, do you have any interest in going to a speech by last year’s Nobel laureate in physics?”
Worker No. 2: “What’s it about?”
Worker No. 1: “Basically, the future.”