Photo by Rich Renomeron

There are things that you should just know. As in you-don’t-stick-your-finger-in-an-electrical-socket know. But sometimes some people don’t know those things, and it takes a wise soul to kindly inform them so. This week, it was a Metro operator.

Overheard of the Week

On a Westbound Orange line train around 8 p.m. on Friday. As it enters Foggy Bottom the conductor (aka Metro’s salvation) informs us that this is the last stop in the District of Columbia. He then continues:

“To the individual riding his bike on the platform: please get off and walk your bike. Bear in mind: you’re in a train station.”

A short while later, as we’re leaving Clarendon…

“A reminder to passengers: don’t put your feet up on the seats. Other people sit there.”

Later, approaching Ballston…

“To the individual skateboarding on the platform: get off your skateboard. This is a train station.”

Overheard in D.C. is only funny because you have no objection to listening on what other people say. We’re not going to try to dissuade you otherwise, but we will ask that you send the best overheard gems our way. Include context, please!

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Obama’s Sexual Socialism

Possibly drunk business-dude on the 8:20 a.m. Acela from New York to D.C., loud enough so that people within several rows can hear clearly:

“Women are extremely attracted to Obama. I was astounded at a comment about Obama made by my wife, and I realized she was in love with Obama. It made me angry, it made me sick, there’s some way, he communicates some subtextual sexual feeling that women are so attracted to.”

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Pedicabbers Tell It Like It Is

Pedicab pulling a couple (presumably a tourist couple) past the Newseum:

Driver: “This is the Newseum, it is a museum about the news. It’s a private museum and you need to pay to get in. They get funded by News Corp. and is filled with Fox News propaganda.”

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The Shops Are Everywhere, Darling

So I walked over to Georgetown from Rosslyn at lunch. As I was passing City Sports on M, a youngish woman with a British accent approached me:

Girl: “Excuse me, is there a mall with shops somewhere around here?”

I paused, looking down the street at the many shops and said

Me: “What exactly were you looking for? Do you need a specific item?”

She says, looking around helplessly

Girl: “Oh, no, I just want to find the shops around here”.

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Pretty Sure That’s Not Carrot Top

At the NIH Gateway Center (NIH Security Clearance Lobby) on Monday Afternoon:

Man with longish, blonde, curly hair is checking in:

Security Agent to Man: “You still look like [agent mumbles something].”
Man with Curly Hair: “Who?”
Security Agent: “Carrot Top. Haven’t you seen him on TV? He puts watermelons in things and then smashes them up with sledgehammers.”

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The Phillies Are a Great Football Team

Towards the end of the Nats game Friday night, two guys are discussing the upcoming football season:

Guy 1: I’d really like to see the Phillies play the Cowboys.
Guy 2: Since when did the Phillies start playing football?

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More Bro-Spotting

I was at Nats Park Friday in line at the Taqueria. There was a group of baby Beltway douchebags, all probably early 20s. Guy 1 came from work, he’s still in his suit and pointy Italian shoes, all his bros (four or so) are in shorts and boat shoes. Normally I hate waiting 15 mins in line for ballpark food, but they totally made it worth it:

Convo 1:

Guy 1: So Dale is really weird, like, weirder than most weird people. Have you met Dale?
Guy 2: Oh yeah, I’ve know him for years.
Guy 1: So you’ve seen him naked multiple times.

They then snake around the line so I can’t hear as well, but Guy 2 starts telling a story about how Dale exposed himself to a group of people in Florida. So the line shifts again and I can hear them better. Apparently a friend of theirs is either seeing or hooked up with someone’s younger sister. Based on extrapolation, she’s 17, he’s 24.

Guy 1; But I mean it’s all relative, like if she was 24, he’d be 33
Guy 2: But dude, she’s 17, what if she were YOUR sister?
Guy 1: I mean yeah it’s messed up, but it’s not SO bad, like it’s all consensual and stuff.

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Mt. Whatever

Last Thursday I was on the Blue or Orange Line around 9:00 p.m. heading towards L’Enfant Plaza from Foggy Bottom. At Metro Center, a large group of college aged kids gets on. One of the girls starts loudly talking:

“I was so disappointed when she told me! I mean, I was really excited to see those big faces! Tell them, [friend’s name].”

Friend: “Yeah, she was pretty let down.”

First girl: “I mean, I totally thought we would see the presidents’ faces when we went to Mt. Vernon and I was confused when they said we might be doing a lot of walking—I thought maybe we got to go in the mountain, behind the faces. But now I know that’s Mt. Rushmore, not Mt. Vernon.”

Girl wears sad, pouty expression.

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Never Riding Metro Again

Overheard from two Metro workers talking by the station manager booth at the Gallery Place/Chinatown Metro stop:

“It’s too hot out to be smoking that PCP.”

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Literal

This past Wednesday during rush hour at Farragut Square. A large group of people waiting for the bus, most looking for the 42/43. An unmarked “Out of Service” bus pulls up and the driver opens the door. We’re far enough back in the line that we didn’t hear the route number announcement, so everyone’s asking each other what route it is. Apparently, one girl didn’t get the memo:

35-year-old guy in suit to 25ish woman in too-tight work outfit in front of him: “What number is this bus?”

Woman, not missing a beat, proceeds to read off the bus manufacturing number on the front “B4043”

Guy: “…no, what ROUTE is this?”

Woman: “Oh, I’m not sure.” Then she proceeds to get on to the bus.

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To Be Bryce

At the Nats game against the Cubs Sept. 5, in the stands near the front of right-center field. A bunch of bro-types and their female hangers-on are yelling at Bryce Harper.

Dude, gesturing to his female friend/acquaintance: “Hey! Bryce! She’ll totally fuck you! Hey! I’m serious!”
The girl: “It’s true! I’ll totally fuck you!”

Bryce looks over and laughs

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Minnows!

At Metro Center it’s 6:30 on a Friday and there’s a Nats game tonight. A 20-something girl gets off an Orange Line train with the crowd of commuters. She looks right and left and with a panic-stricken face screams:

“Oh my god what do I do?!? I’m a minnow, I’m a minnow!”

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That Must Have Cost a Fortune in Gas

Three teenage girls standing outside of Walgreens in Vienna:

Girl 1: “Oh you got those [brand of sneakers]!”

Girl with sneakers: “Yea! I had to drive all the way to Africa to get them!”

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Hmmm…

Last Tuesday at the Cubs game. Guy comes back from getting beers:

Girl: “What’d you get?”
Guy: “Amstel Light. Is that ok?”
Girl (in a not-so-excited voice): “Oh I guess. It’s just really hoppy for me.”