A portrait of agony. (Photo by Brian Knight)

It’s tough being Theodore Roosevelt in this town. Whenever the Washington Nationals are home, our 26th president—and by all rights the most sporting, outdoorsy person to ever hold the office—is subjected to nightly humiliation in the Presidents Race.

The mascot avatars of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln routinely embarrass Roosevelt, whose record in the race is even worse than Wile E. Coyote’s pursuit of the Road Runner. Teddy can’t get a break. Not at games. Not at promotional events. Not even when the Nationals dispatch their racing presidents—in the middle of the off-season—to an NHL game in Roosevelt’s home state of New York.

It’s gotten so bad, that last night ESPN aired a segment about Teddy’s plight. Narrated by uber-documentarian Ken Burns, the clip lamented Teddy’s seemingly eternal losing streak, which continues even as the Nationals enjoy their most successful campaign in their eight-season history.

The imbalance the Nationals force upon the presidents whose visages grace Mount Rushmore has gotten so bad, it might even spark a congressional inquiry. In the ESPN segment, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) called it “traumatic” to see Roosevelt—his political hero and childhood idol—”being treated in such a cavalier fashion.”

Scott Ableman, who writes the blog Let Teddy Win, was also featured in the ESPN story. He shared with viewers his belief that the Presidents’ Race is one of the great shams in Washington history. The Nationals, of course, repeated their hokey line that Teddy will win when he chooses to win, even though there is a steady montage of sabotage set up by the organization.

McCain was so upset by the footage, he called the Presidents’ Race a disgrace and, perhaps jokingly, said it demanded his official attention. “I’m outraged,” McCain said, clutching a doll in Roosevelt’s image. “That’s why I’m calling for congressional hearings to right this horrible wrong.”

Ableman told DCist in an email he fully supports a Senate investigation, and that he would gladly testify before Congress, because he has the evidence to prove the Nationals are pulling one over on a great American leader.

“The Nats try to sweep under the rug their long history of manipulating the race results, but we’ve chronicled it fairly meticulously at the Let Teddy Win blog,” Ableman said.

A Nationals representative did not respond to requests for comment.