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Perhaps because so many of the petitions that recently reached the threshold for an official response are unbelievably stupid, the White House said yesterday evening that it is raising the bar on its “We the People” site to 100,000.
The new requirement is four times the 25,000 that were needed to merit official White House statements on such issues as whether or not the White House should, for instance, permit the secession of eight states, support the impeachment of President Obama, or authorize the construction of an $850 quadrillion Death Star. (The answers, by the way, were “No,” “No,” and “No.“)
So, perhaps because it’s relatively easy to garner enough supporters of truly aimless causes, the White House is upping the signature count. Although in a post on the White House’s official blog, new media director Macon Phillips says it’s because the petition site has been so darn successful:
In the first 10 months of 2012, it took an average of 18 days for a new petition to cross the 25,000-signature threshold. In the last two months of the year, that average time was cut in half to just 9 days, and most petitions that crossed the threshold collected 25,000 signatures within five days of their creation. More than 60 percent of the petitions to cross threshold in all of 2012 did so in the last two months of the year.
It should be noted, though, that most of those petitions that cleared the bar in the last two months of 2012 were secession petitions that were eventually dismissed with a blanket response.
Meanwhile the range of completely idiotic petitions has continued to expand, though the White House has become more vigilant in weeding out the dumbest. Among the petitions that died quick deaths—but were still permitted a little bit of breathing—have been calls to adopt a Judge Dredd-style legal system, kick Beyoncé out of next Monday’s inaugural festivities, and force states to adopt official Pokémon characters. Still, Phillips writes that the “We the People” site has never been stronger.
“It’s wonderful to see so many people using We the People to add their voices to important policy debates here in Washington and bring attention to issues that might not get the attention they deserve,” he argues. Among the newest issues? Asking Obama to interfere in this year’s NFL Draft by restoring a pick the New Orleans Saints lost as punishment for a bounty system used by their defense.
Why, exactly should Obama—who never misses an opportunity to remind people of his allegiance to the Chicago Bears—step up on behalf of another NFL team?
The Saints’ on-field performance directly affects the New Orleans economy. The city hasn’t suffered this much since Mike Ditka was in town. Who Dat Nation asks for relief from Roger Goodell’s tyranny in 2013.
The petition currently has 156 signatures. In other words, the White House can raise the signature requirement all it wants, but there’s no stopping the stupid requests.
However, if there’s one silver lining to the higher clearance mark, it’s that petitions launched before the switch are still bound by the 25,000-signature rule. That could be good news for our favorite petition—the one ordering NASA to embark on the construction of a Constitution-class starship called Enterprise, which isn’t ridiculous at all. (OK, it’s nuts, but it’s still a lot more plausible than a freaking Death Star!) It currently has 6,768 signatures.
