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Someone get The Daily Caller’s Mark Judge a blanket and a roll of tinfoil, because he’s seeing police officers on traffic duty everywhere he looks. In a strange, paranoia-laden column for the conservative website, Judge lavishes in the fact that in the climax of a leisurely drive on a recent strange Saturday, he slowed down in front of a Metropolitan Police Department officer and yelled in the officer’s face, “FUCK YOU!”

Better read the rest of his lede:

Dear God, how good it felt. At long last, after months and even years of abuse at the hands of Washington, D.C.’s speed-trap Nazis, I fought back. Mere feet from one of D.C.’s finest, I let him have it. I said—no, screamed—the two magic words, and right in his face.

First of all, congratulations to Mr. Judge. Surely he just invented the visceral practice of swearing at cops. It’s not as though any shambolic and unwashed park protesters ever did that.

Secondly, maybe he should take a nap.

Judge’s column is a rambling trip through the inner byways of a frightened person’s mind. In Judge’s D.C., the rule of law is administered by the “speed-trap Nazis” whose sole purpose is to take the fun out of driving. Yeah, it’s fun to go fast, but as D.C.’s roads become increasingly friendly toward pedestrians and cyclists, gunning it all the way on Rhode Island Avenue—as Judge wishes he could do—isn’t exactly the smartest thing to do.

Oh, fine, the District is hauling it in from its growing network of traffic cameras, which raked in $84.9 million in fiscal 2012. But, hey, the D.C. Council just passed legislation dropping the average camera-induced fine by $8 (OK, that’s not that much). Better, still, Mayor Vince Gray just ordered the speed limits on several roadways to be raised. Also, one could always commit this list of traffic camera locations to memory.

But Judge clearly isn’t one to listen to reason. He just wants to go as fast as he can everywhere he pleases. And his longing to turn Georgia Avenue into a speedway is downright creepy:

Cruising down Independence Avenue or up Georgia Avenue, you’d get into a grove, like smoking a cigar or making love to a beautiful woman (indeed, D.C.’s ticket fascism is like having a girlfriend with a great rack and the D.C. city council telling me I can’t touch her). And as with those experiences, liberals are trying to take our fun away. Sportscaster Brent Musburger can’t call a hot girl hot.

For the record, it’s generally agreed that Musburger was also being creepy when he admired—a bit too much for a professional broadcaster—the girlfriend of University of Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron.

Anyway, back to the cop. Hey, we all have fits of rage, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to fight the law. But a whole column praising yourself for telling a cop to fuck off? That’s just crazy talk, and I’m not sure I want this guy behind the wheel of a car.