Photo by kevnkovl

Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.

D.C. has food trucks, vintage flea markets, fancy coffee shops and pop-up everythings. Maybe we’ve finally reached peak hipster.

Overheard of the Week

On a sidewalk in Columbia Heights:

A seemingly serious redhead in his mid-20s on a sidewalk in Columbia Heights: “Sometimes I use my beard to clean my vinyl.”

After the jump, hipsters, tourists, dweebies and dickheads.

Overheard in D.C. relies on you to send in the good stuff to our special Overheard in D.C. email address. Make sure you tell us who was talking, to whom, where, when and in what context, otherwise we’ll have to email you back.

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Don’t go to the Preakness

After John Hodgman’s recent show at The Birchmere:

Guy 1: “I bet you two-to-one that that’s a gin martini he’s drinking.”
Guy 2, agreeing: “Oh yeah! I bet you ten-to-one!”
Guy 1: “Wait … you think it’s less likely?”
Guy 2: “I — I don’t really understand how gambling works.”

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Less than enthusiastic

At the National Gallery on Mother’s Day:

Mom walking through the Impressionist room with her adult daughters: “Huh. Some of this isn’t bad!”

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One way to tell if it’s Police Week:

Twenty-something professionals, waiting for an elevator in the Pew Charitable Trusts building:

Guy: “So have you noticed a bunch of police in town?”
Girl: “No, not really.”
Guy: “Yeah, there’s a police convention in town right now.”
(Pause)
Girl: “I did notice a Krispy Kreme truck outside yesterday.”

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Thankfully

On the patio at Wonderland on a weekday evening:

Girl to group of friends: “Penises aren’t usually pointy, in my experience.”

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Let’s all start using this

Midday on May 14 while walking through the National Mall:

A stage has been erected and people are setting up hundreds of chairs.

Female Tourist 1: “Oh look, they are setting up for a graduation.”
Female Tourist 2: “Oh yeah. I wish I had gone to school in D.C. so that I could have graduated on the National Yard.”

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D.C. don’t stand for Douche City

Waiting in an inexplicably slow TSA pre-check queue at National Airport:

Self-important 30-something husband: “Every time we do pre-check the line gets longer.”
Well-manicured 30-something wife: “I know, they keep expanding it to more and more people. It almost isn’t worth it anymore.”
Self-important 30-something husband: “Seriously, look at these people still taking their shoes off! Ugh. Didn’t they get the memo!?”

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Hmm

Two female millennials on the Yellow Line marveling at one of Wmata’s new Metro maps:

Woman 1: “Why is Metro designed like that? It’s so ineffective.”
Woman 2: “You can tell a man designed it.”

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Government, always with its finger on the pulse

On an elevator in a federal government building:

Woman 1, incredulously: “Who has apps on their phone?”
Woman 2: “I know!”

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Yes, so named when Hannibal crossed the Appalachians

On the Yellow Line:

Tourist after train operator announces the next station: “L’Enfant. Is that elephant in French?”

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