Photo by Kevin HarberWelcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.
D.C. has a lot going for it and is often near the top of the list for things like education, average salary and other nice stuff. But despite the positive things, maybe people here have low expectations.
Overheard of the Week
Two 20-something couples walking toward H Street NE:
The girls are talking to each other about a mutual acquaintance.
Girl 1: “I heard he’s actually pretty successful.”
Girl 2: “What do you mean? Financially, or homosexually?”
Girl 1: “Well, he’s just not a total fuck up.”
After the jump, dummies, idiots and stupid-heads.
Overheard in D.C. relies on you to send in the good stuff to our special Overheard in D.C. email address. Make sure you tell us who was talking, to whom, where, when and in what context, otherwise we’ll have to email you back.
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Your move, history
At George Washington’s Mount Vernon on Sunday:
Group of school kids about 10 or 11 years old are visiting the historic site. One of them wonders out loud: “Why are we going to his house if he’s already dead?!”
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They really take their jobs seriously
At the corner of 13th and I streets NW near Franklin Square:
Two office building parking attendants are talking.
One parking attendant with all sincerity to the other: “I said I don’t care. I don’t care if I get arrested, I’m going to beat his ASS!”
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Says the toxic guy
At Logan Hardware:
Thirty-something balding eco-warrior dude, looking with disdain at a display of potting soil and fertilizer: “Don’t you all have organic and chemical-free fertilizer? Because this whole wall is disgusting.”
Twenty-something clerk: “Uh, yeah. It’s upstairs.”
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Movie critics at work
Two guys walking out of the theater in Ballston Commons after a showing of Godzilla:
Guy 1: “It was OK and all, not a bad movie, but I would have liked to see more of Godzilla in a movie titled Godzilla.”
Guy 2: “Yeah, I don’t get it. Godzilla just lays around and only shows up is when something bad is happening. I mean, where is the back story about why Godzilla is humanity’s bro?”
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Disagree
At the Raven on Thursday night:
A bartender is talking with a patron, presumably about Tonic in Mt. Pleasant closing earlier in the week.
Person 1: “Did you ever have the tater tot nachos!?”
Person 2: “Fucking disgusting!”
Person 1: “Yeah! Do you want me to die!?”
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Swampoodle?
A tourist couple is walking down Massachusetts Avenue:
One points across the street to the Dubliner and Irish Times: “There must be an Irish community here.”
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Science is hard
In an office building:
Two coworkers are chatting about rat sightings in D.C.
One of them: “I wonder if rats are like mice and don’t have bones.”
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Great
In an elevator in a K Street office building:
Random guy making small talk: “Looks like a gorgeous day out there.”
Bike courier: “Yeah, I’m gonna go to McDonald’s, get some lunch and watch some porn.”
Guy: “Oh.”
Bike courier: “That’s what’s good about having your own WiFi hotspot, no one can see what you’re doing.”
Guy: “Oh.”
Elevator reaches ground floor.
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Fast casual anger
At the Columbia Heights Chipotle on Sunday:
Standing in line waiting to be served, a trim woman in exercise clothing is trying to order. She is complaining to the woman behind the counter about the sautéed bell pepper and onion mix.
Woman: “Do you not have any peppers anymore?”
Employee: “They’re in the veggie mix.”
Woman: “No, the peppers. You used to have peppers in the veggies. Why did you take them out?”
Employee gives woman a blank stare.
Woman: “Can’t you get some or something? You used to have PEPPERS!”
Another employee comes over to see what the problem is.
Second employee: “Ma’am, they’re red. The peppers are in there. They’re just red instead of green now.”
Woman: “Oh. Well I didn’t know that.”
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Insert American flag emoji
A group of tourists looking at a Metro map at the L’Enfant Plaza station:
One woman says to her companions in an irritated tone: “I don’t see why they’d give a station a French name. This is Washington, D.C.”
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Noted
Sunday morning At Peregrine on 14th Street NW:
Two women are talking.
Woman 1: “Look at how cute that baby is.”
Woman 2: “Oh my god, I love those baby carrier things.”
Woman 1: “Especially when dads wear them. It’s so hot.”
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And finally, that’s one strategy
A bartender is standing outside a bar in Adams Morgan, talking to the bouncer:
Bartender: “The only reason I passed the sobriety test was because of the cocaine.”
