Photo by ekelly80Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.
D.C. has a lot of sleepy, quiet areas: most of upper Northwest, and parts of the Hill and Northeast are often quiet. The big news is often about lawn mowing or a bus stop moving. But maybe some of those neighborhoods are weirder than we realize.
Overheard of the Week
Outside Pearson’s liquor store in Glover Park:
A well-dressed middle-aged couple is making out on the sidewalk and blocking the store’s door. An older man, dressed in a Revolutionary War officer’s uniform, hat under his arm, walks up to them.
Revolutionary War guy: “Can we watch?!”
Middle-aged man: “No.”
Revolutionary War guy, forcefully: “Then get a room!”
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People are horrible
On Pennsylvania Avenue in the afternoon:
Two mid-20s girls are walking and talking.
Girl 1: “Did you see her ring?”
Girl 2: “Yes. She had a smile on her face, but I know that secretly she is dying inside!”
Girl 1, disgusted: “I know, it’s only one carat. How mortifying!”
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…to being cool
At the Eastern Market flea market on Saturday afternoon:
Young man to young lady, with great conviction: “You know, bacon is the gateway meat.”
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Been there
Two early 30-something women walking up 5th Street near Mt. Vernon Square on a Saturday:
Woman 1: “I mean, it sucks that they’re out of a job, but I’ll be really happy when they’re gone.”
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I see what you’re getting at, but I think we need to support all actual Nats fans
On the Blue Line headed toward Largo on Saturday afternoon:
A pair of 20-somethings is chatting on the metro.
Young man notices that the girl has a Nationals “Curly W” tattoo. When he mentions it, the girl responds with: “Of course I do! They have been my favorite team since I was like five.”
The man looks confused: “So, you were a big fan of the Expos?”
The girl looked confused.
The man looks back at her and says, “So, I think we’re done here.”
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Agreed
Group of 20-something interns on Green Line, heading to Nats game Thursday evening:
Woman 1: “I know someone who grew up in D.C. and when she was three her parents made her lick the poles in the Metro. It was to build up her immune system. She’s 22 and never been sick.”
Woman 2: “I’m not sure that’s good parenting.”
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Wow, such tourist
Many cute
On the National Mall Tuesday night:
One softball player has brought his Shiba Inu, who is lounging nearby. A tourist family walks by.
Four-year-old boy, incredulously): “Wow! Is that a fox??”
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Pay attention, bad guys
Rush hour on the Yellow Line heading out of the city:
A group of teenage girls are chatting. They clearly have been at some sort of “kids in government” convention and had visited a government building because they were talking about seeing a bunch of Senators during their day, even though they admittedly had no idea who any of them were.
Girl 1: “Did you hear about the Montana girls that saw the president’s helicopter?
Girl 2: “Did they see him get out?
Girl 1: “No, they just saw it land.
Girl 2: “How’d they know it was his?
Girl 1, using an obvious tone: “Cause, you know, it said ‘This is the President’s Helicopter’ on the side of it.”
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Hmm
On a sidewalk near Metro Center after work on a Wednesday:
Two middle-aged women in business attire gossiping quietly about a co-worker’s love life.
One of them suddenly exclaims: “Well what else is she going to do with a man besides have sex with him?!?!”
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Virginia, you creepy.
On the Yellow Line towards Huntington at 4:30 p.m. on a week day:
Two upper-40s men are chatting. One man is dressed in a suit, the other in Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts but still carrying a briefcase.
Business Man: “Well, she sounds nice. Since she has a job, she’s got to be at least 18, right?”
Casual Man: “Yea, she’s 20.”
Business Man: “That’s great! I’m glad you are finally getting past those 16-year-olds. But, can you work on the next one being 21 or over so she can go to the bar with us?”
Casual Man: “I make no promises.”
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And finally: Oh, Jesus Christ
At wine bar in D.C. Thursday night:
Woman: “I want the male equivalent of a Côtes du Rhône. Something with a little spiciness to it.”
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