Photo by Victoria Pickering

Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.

D.C. seems to be a soccer town lately: DC United is working on a stadium deal with city officials; World Cup TV ratings here are sky high; bars are packed for games; and folks are wearing jerseys to work–not just U.S. ones, but from all over the world. Mostly this is harmless fun (aside from Clint Dempsey’s nose) but there may be some drawbacks to this World Cup.

Overheard of the Week:

At the Sunoco at Calvert and Wisconsin Streets NW, 8:30 p.m. on Sunday night, aftermath of the U.S.-Portugal match:

A blonde, twenty-something guy in a blazer, blue dress shirt, and sunglasses is going inside to buy cigarettes. Suddenly he glances at the Surfside parking lot across the street and spots a drunk guy wearing a red and white-striped U.S. hat carrying little American flags.

Guy in blazer, in a sharp, serious-sounding voice: “USA! Love it or leave it!”
Drunk guy (obliterated): “Wooohooo!!!”
Guy in blazer: “Love it or leave it!”
Drunk guy: “Woo! East Coast don’t bleed motherfuckers!!!” (Drunkenly waves flags in air, then starts stumbling onward.)
Guy in blazer: “Love it or get the fuck out!” (Goes inside to buy cigarettes.)

After the jump, more soccerball lulz, tourists, and little kids making us feel old.

Overheard in D.C. relies on you to send in the good stuff to our special Overheard in D.C. email address. Make sure you tell us who was talking, to whom, where, when and in what context, otherwise we’ll have to email you back.

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This is true

On H Street NE:

A guy is riding a bike in the bike lane street as a car drives past.

Driver, through the open window: “You ain’t no car!”

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Very different from everywhere else

On the red line Sunday night:

Thirty-something woman to thirty-something man: “I live a very German lifestyle. I mean, I go to the market, I buy everything I need for just one week. I eat the fresh produce.”

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For example, the many douchebags

On the Red line on June 11th:

A early- to mid-twenties guy and girl have been talking about why they love to people-watch and meet new people on the Metro.

Guy: “Whenever I tell someone where I go, they always say, ‘oh I’ve heard of it.’ Nice one, like I haven’t heard that before.”
Girl: “It’s not you’re fault you went to the #1 undergrad and #1 law school.”

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I hope they play some Billy Joel

Walking on Glebe Road in Ballston:

A family of at least four or five tourists were passing by and one of them pointed to a nearby restaurant: “Hey, let’s try that Virginia Piano place.”

They were pointing at Vapiano.

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Judging

Two twenty-something women chatting in the office bathroom:

Woman 1: “What is that?”
Woman 2: “A tattoo! But I don’t want you to judge me…”
Woman 1: “Oh come on, I don’t judge.”
Woman 2: “It’s the Deathly Hallows!”
Woman 1: “What?”
Woman 2: “The wand, the cloak, the stone. From Harry Potter! All my friends got it together.”
Woman 1: “…when you were 12??”

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Dumb soccer haircuts: source of mirth

At Atomic Billiards during the U.S.-Portugal game:

Customer to the bartender and seemingly everybody else: “Damn, those barbers in Portugal have laser beams!”

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This backlash is long overdue

Tuesday in McPherson Square:

Young woman chatting on her cell phone, sitting on park bench: “Well, I’m already bringing Georgetown Cupcakes. Does she now want a real gift?”

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😐

Sunday in Clarendon:
Two forty-something parents are walking with their daughters who are about 12 and 8. While waiting to cross the street a car pulls up with the windows down playing Third Eye Blind’s 1999 song “Never Let You Go.”

12 year old turns to her sister: “I’m obsessed with this oldie!”

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That’s a start

On Euclid Street NW in Columbia Heights on Saturday morning:

Two woman are sitting on a stoop and talking.

Woman #1: “She asked if I was feeling suicidal or homicidal.”
Woman #2: “What did you say?”
Woman #1: “I said homicidal! I ain’t about to kill mySELF!”

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Pretty much

At the Capitol reflecting pool around 5 p.m.:

Three bro types are standing and not talking at all when one of them suddenly bursts out: “I am so pumped! I feel like there is Jack Bauer shit going on around here 24/7!”

Companions nod in agreement.

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Please explain

On the patio of a restaurant near 6th and H Streets NW:

A thirty-something guy is gesturing to his two companions, older women: “Like a fire crotch circle!!”