Photo by Eric Spiegel.
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.
We joke a lot about tourists in town — blocking sidewalks, not knowing what the White House is, etc. — but it must be pretty stressful, carrying your kids around a new city, trying to keep everybody happy while finding places to eat and avoid heat stroke. So maybe they have a tough time.
Overheard of the Week
At the Navy Memorial at lunch:
A family of five walks by. The dad is poring over some map while his daughter and son wander on the sidewalk. He finally decides: “That way.”
The mother turns to him from behind the stroller and says: “If you’re wrong, I swear to God, I’ll stab you in the throat.”
She then notices a surprised passerby: “I’m just kidding, you know. I’m actually a good mom.”
After the jump, more tourists, time travelers, and people enjoying some alcohol.
Overheard in D.C. relies on you to send in the good stuff to our special Overheard in D.C. email address. Make sure you tell us who was talking, to whom, where, when and in what context, otherwise we’ll have to email you back.
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Maybe they traveled in time from 1800s Dupont
Dupont Circle on a really beautiful Thursday evening:
A dapper, elegant elderly couple are walking gingerly down 19th Street NW.
Dapper elderly gentleman: “… on the outside because of the mud … “
Elegant elderly woman: “That’s not mud. It’s shit!”
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Saving room for cats has moved to D.C.
On the Red Line at Shady Grove, 10:30 a.m. on a Wednesday:
Middle-aged woman to her teen daughter: “I’m not sitting with a man. Don’t want him touching my legs.”
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Drunken wisdom
Saturday night around 11:30 at a house party near Greenbelt:
Group of 30-somethings are sitting at a table playing Cards Against Humanity when a card combination comes up of dropping Hot Pockets on the Children of Afghanistan.
Visibly drunk dude at table: “If you drop Hot Pockets on the desert, you should just call them Pockets. Because it’s already hot.”
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You’re doing it wrong
A Saturday evening at Rhino Bar in Georgetown:
A mid-20s girl walks into the bar with two friends.
Girl, as if amazed, exclaims: “Oh my God! Is this a full bar?”
Bartender: “Yes, it is.”
Girl: “Awesome. I’ll have a Corona.”
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Spelling. It’s hard.
At Corner Bakery at K Street and Vermont Avenue:
Three professional-looking women in their 30s waiting for their lunch order.
Woman 1, addressing her posse): “I … was so … oblivious! I tried to spell it p-e-n-u-s.”
Other women giggle.
Woman 1: “Then I went through a list of other spellings: p-i-n-i-s, p-e-e-n-e-s. I then realized [in a very matter-of-fact tone] it is spelled p-e-n-i-s.”
Other women giggle again.
Women 1: “Ladies, this is a case where the whole ‘i’ before ‘e’ rule doesn’t apply.”
All burst out laughing as they grab their food and leave the restaurant.
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The war on cars is real
On Pennsylvania Avenue:
“And when Obama moved in, he installed those barriers to block cars so people can bike.”
(via Matt Yglesias on Twitter, but too good not to use.)
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Kids’ minds work in funny ways
In the Sculpture Garden:
A woman and young girl walk past a pile of fresh mulch.
Young Girl: “Ew! It stinks!”
Pause.
Young Girl: “Did you know Sarah’s friend likes to smell gasoline?”
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So, across the river?
On the Yellow Line heading downtown from Virginia on a weekday evening:
Two men, early 30s. One to the other: “It’s like the Brooklyn of D.C.”
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Current events
Tourist family standing outside White House Gifts souvenir store on 15th Street:
Twenty-something-year-old son proudly shows his entire family the Bill Clinton bobblehead he just bought.
Mother looks at bobblehead in horror and says: “That’s not Barack Obama. You need Barack Obama!”
Dejected son pulls out receipt and walks back into store to exchange bobblehead.
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True romance
Random guy and girl running down the sidewalk in Bloomingdale just as it’s beginning to rain:
Guy: “Know what’s good about this?”
Girl: “What?”
Guy: “Your shirt’s gonna get all wet, so I can see your tits!”
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But is shrimp decriminalized yet?
Near M Street and Blagden Alley around 3 p.m.:
Two men are huddling together, maybe a drug deal.
“This one here we call Bubba Gump Shrimp, but don’t let the name fool you.”
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