Photo by Phil

Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.

D.C. seems to have a lot of young singles. That’s a good thing for those looking for love, but it also means they think about their future relationships a lot.

Overheard of the Week

At a bar in Chinatown on a Friday night:

Two young professional women are discussing becoming “platonic life partners” in old age if their relationships don’t work out.

Girl 1: “I’m not asking a lot. I just don’t want to die alone in my old age with only cats that will eat my eyeballs.”

After the jump, bathroom fun, driving, and jokes!

As always, Real, Original Overheard in D.C. relies on you to submit the good stuff to our special Overheard in D.C. email address. Make sure to tell us who, where, and in what context, too.

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Not just Maryland drivers anymore

In Washington Circle:

Metropolitan Police Department officer pulls over driver with New York plates going around Washington Circle.

Officer with huge smile raises his voice: “I don’t care if you’re from New York. It’s still not proper!”

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Fun in the bathroom

In a crowded men’s room at The Big Hunt on Thursday night:

Bathroom attendant: “Men, don’t piss on the floor. Don’t piss on the walls either.”
The drunks laugh.
Bathroom attendant: “If you got a big dick, leave a big tip. If you got a little dick, leave a little tip.”
Louder laughter.
Bathroom attendant: “Dirty dick, dirty hands. Wash your dirty hands.”
Drunk guy: “As a physician, I can tell you that’s not true. Urine is a sterile fluid.”

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Teach me a foreign language?

At a McDonald’s in Arlington around 7:30 p.m. on a weekday:

McDonald’s employee to drive-thru customer: “Welcome to McDonald’s. How can I help you be great today?”

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Real smooth

At Roots Camp, a progressive political organizing event:

Two young woman are talking in main lobby area.

Woman 1: “I think he just acknowledged his white privilege to get me to sleep with him.”

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Insert federal government/Congress joke here

At the gate for a D.C.-bound flight at New Orleans International Airport:

Two guys in their early 20s just back from buying souvenirs and pralines.

Guy 1, serious: “I’m looking for a job that pays me, but I don’t have to do any work.”
Guy 2, equally serious: “If you find one of those, let me know.”

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Clearly

Outside of E Street Cinema:

Two women in their mid-20s are discussing their dating life.

Woman 1: “I mean he didn’t kiss me at the end of our last date, so he’s either just not that into me or he has Asperger’s.”
Woman 2, nods in agreement.

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The could be interpreted a number of ways. We’ll go with some commentary on always talking about Crossfit

In line at Chipotle in Arlington:

One college-age guy to the other: “How are your mouth muscles?”

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Masons? Illuminati?

On the Yellow Line:

Father explaining to his son, who was looking at an ad featuring the Capitol building.

Father: “That’s where the people who run the country hang out.”
Slight pause.
Father: “Actually, that’s the place where people who think they run the country hang out.”

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Considering all the chain restaurants there, yes

Shopping at National Harbor:

Woman 1: “Let’s cross the street so we can go to AMERICA!”
Woman 2, not joking: “America? Aren’t we already in America?”

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Amazon burn

On a one-way street:

A delivery truck is temporarily blocking traffic and people are starting to honk their vehicles’ horns.

The delivery person walking back to the car: “Maybe do your shopping in person, and I wouldn’t be out here.”

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