Photo by number7cloud.
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.
It’s cold out there but least it causes some jokes.
On a flight from Hartford to National:
Pilot: “As we take off here in Hartford, the temperature is -5. When we land in D.C., temperatures should be… well, hell, it’s cold. I’ll spare you the details.”
After the jump, bus fun, 50 Shades fun, and Valentine’s fun.
As always, Real, Original Overheard in D.C. relies on you to submit the good stuff to our special Overheard in D.C. email address. Make sure to tell us who, where, and in what context, too.
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One of many reasons why you should take the bus if you don’t already
On the 38B bus in Arlington on Thursday:
An older gentleman regaling the bus driver: ” ‘Bout 8 years ago I fell on the ice and cracked my head wide open. Someone told me to see a doctor but I told em I ain’t seein’ no doctor. So I bought myself some duct tape and put all the pieces back together. I had duct tape on my eyebrow for a week straight .”
Two minutes later: “Can you drop me off at CVS? I like to do my shopliftin’ there.”
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Who says the generations can’t agree on something
In Cleveland Park yesterday:
A young couple walks under a robin, singing in a tree. The couple looks up at the robin. The young woman says: “I hope it doesn’t poop on me.”
An older couple joins the younger couple in looking up.
Older woman: “I hope it doesn’t poop on us.”
The couples then go their separate ways.
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Sparks fly?
In a Georgetown tobacco and cigar store on Valentine’s Day afternoon:
As the man looks over wooden-bowled pipes, the woman, apropos of nothing, announces:
“He just wants to put his dick in a socket.”
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50 Shades of he’s right in this case
During the afternoon outside Courthouse AMC Theater:
Mid-thirties couple on their way into the theater:
Boyfriend: “Why would you lie?”
Girlfriend: “I knew you didn’t want to see it so I couldn’t tell you otherwise you wouldn’t come.”
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Thanks, Alanis Morissette
Waiting for the VRE in Crystal City yesterday:
A forty-something woman is speaking nonstop to the regulars waiting for the train, liberally sprinkling the word “ironically” throughout her monologue, but always misusing it.
“Ironically, I had foot surgery the same day as Bob’s birthday.”
“I was reading this book on low-carb diets, and ironically I was eating almond M&Ms at the time.”
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“How was your D.C. trip?” “It was fun until I got arrested.”
Overheard on the Green Line, around noon on Presidents’ Day near Mt. Vernon Square station:
A group of high school girls are obviously in D.C. for a sports tournament.
Girl 1: “I’m so confused—do the subway cars have bathrooms or not?”
Girl 2: (Points to driver’s compartment at end of car) “Yeah, of course they do, look right there!”
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No substitute for romance, apparently
At Jackpot in Gallery Place on Valentine’s Day evening:
A drunk man stumbles to the bar. A man catches him as he is about to fall over.
Drunk man: “I’m doing another car bomb!” (Nearly falls over) “I can totally do another car bomb.”
Bouncer walks over and takes him away.
Drunk man: “But car bombs! We need more car bombs!”
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Hate when that happens
On Saturday at the Vida Fitness at City Vista:
Two twenty-something men are getting changed and ready for a workout.
First guy: “Eww, I was just putting shit away and you put your butt hole in my eyehole.”
A couple minutes later a third guy joins the group.
Third guy: “Hey, I don’t think I can work out today. I have a meeting I need to get to.”
First guy: “Brett just gave me pink eye. You’re working out today.”
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Now the government knows who you are!!!
Two young women in their early twenties:
Woman one: “I can’t believe they asked me for my Social Security number. Like I would know it. That is so rude. Can you imagine they expect people to know it?”
Woman two: “Yeah. My dad made me memorize mine when I was 15.”
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Plus it would stop between every floor with no explanation
Getting on a crowded elevator in the Government offices at L’Enfant Plaza at lunchtime:
Elevator doors are about to close when an older man makes a dash to jump on. Doors almost close, but sensors cause them to immediately reopen and he is able to easily get on.
Someone in the back of the elevator: “Good thing this isn’t a Metro train!”
