Photo by Maxed Aperture
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.
D.C. isn’t known for its customer service, or for its friendly customers. Maybe it’s something about the East Coast, or the people who come to D.C., or maybe just because it’s so damn cold this winter. But not everybody is a grump.
Overheard of the Week
At Trader Joe’s:
A tired-looking woman approaches the checkout lane.
Twenty-something hippie-ish cashier guy: “Hey how’s it goin’?”
Woman: “Oh…alright. I’m tired.”
Cashier: “Whatcha been doin’?”
Woman: “Working.”
Cashier: “Okay, where do you work?”
Woman: “I work at the Pentagon.”
Cashier: “That’s cool. I work in a rectangle.”
(The manager laughs out loud from the office)
After the jump, more grocery stores, not very helpful people, and weird neighborhood names.
As always, Real, Original Overheard in D.C. relies on you to submit the good stuff to our special Overheard in D.C. email address. Make sure to tell us who, where, and in what context, too.
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Perhaps, but Metro has bigger problems
Thursday at 11 a.m. on the Yellow Line, between U Street and Shaw/Howard:
Twenty-something guy with a scraggly beard & tattoos is trying to have a phone conversation: “Hello? Hello? Yo, I’m on the train right now so—hello?!? (Puts phone down in disgust after the call drops) Yo, this is STUPID! “
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Romance is hard
Two twenty-something dudes at Safeway on Valentine’s Day:
Dude 1: “Hey they’ve got flowers and bears here.”
Dude 2: “I can’t get flowers and bears at Safeway. It’s too distinct. We might come here shopping later and I’d get killed.”
Dude 1: “Well then just get the roses here.”
Dude 2: “Don’t I need a vase??”
Dude 1: “I’m sure you have one at home.”
Dude 2: “What do I do with them ’til then?”
Dude 1: “Put them in a pint glass.”
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It’s so rare they have to close the station
On the Red Line to Shady Grove on Sunday, February 21:
Train operator: “Bethesda subway is closed due to escalator escalation.”
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Thank you for that helpful information
In the Dirksen Senate Building security line:
Woman to her colleague, who’s debating about taking a job in Alaska: “Oh, I’ve been to Alaska, it’s awesome. I mean, I went with my family. On a cruise. We didn’t actually leave the ship or anything. It’s totally beautiful there, you’ll love it.”
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They do? I wonder why?
On 14th Street NW by Tico and Trader Joe’s:
A couple in their late twenties/early thirties are walking.
Woman to the man: “Yes, so the area we are in now people like to call 14th Street.”
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Busted
At DC Reynolds, early Saturday evening:
A guy in his early thirties is making small talk with a woman he’s never met:
Guy: “I mean, she’s hot, but she’s weird though. Like this one time, I kissed her, and she kept her eyes open. The whole time!”
Woman: “How do you know that? That means your eyes were open too!”
Guy stammers and protests he is not as weird as she was.
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But does it have predictive text?
At the March for Life a few weeks ago:
Two men in their fities are talking at the march.
Man 1: “I only need one book. The Bible. It has the answers to everything.”
Man 2: “Instruction manuals help, too, especially with smart phones.”
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The sacrifices we make to stay warm
Saturday night a few weeks ago outside H Street Country Club:
A woman and two men are standing and talking. Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” can be heard from inside the bar.
Woman: “I’m cold and this is my song! I’m going inside.”
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That is a wide range
At the Foggy Bottom-GWU Metro:
College-age women are chatting about how poorly they’d eaten after a party.
Woman: “I ate healthy today! I had Whole Foods for breakfast!”
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I keep them in this bag
Friday afternoon rush on the Red Line, the door is not closing properly:
Train Operator: “Customers, when you hear the chimes indicating the doors are closing, please do not try to keep the doors open using bags, body parts, or small children.”
Elderly passenger: “Body parts?!”
