Photo by andertho
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.
Retail jobs are not always the most exciting, but there are ways of making them fun.
Overheard of the Week
In the fancy Safeway off the Wheaton Metro station, Sunday night around 9:45:
Over the intercom, a woman: “If there is a manager anywhere in this building they need to come to aisle one.”
Intercom (man 1): “Absolutely not, there is no manager in this building.”
Intercom (same woman): “If you can’t meet me at aisle one you can meet me outside.”
Screaming from back office (possibly man 1): “Stop using the intercoms!”
Intercom (man 2): “Can we bring weapons?”
After the jump, people who hate America, tourists, and funny weirdos.
Our official Overheard email address has changed! Please email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com from now on, and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
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Sorry not listening
At the Foggy Bottom Devon & Blakeley:
Woman on cell phone: “Send me an email with everything you just said, like exactly, so I can think about it.”
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The fun of airport bars
Bar at National Airport:
A group of bros are playing “what would you do for America?” They try to rope in a stranger sitting nearby.
Bro to stranger: “Excuse me. To save America would you bring home a 3 from the bar?”
Stranger: “Err…sorry?”
Bro: “Come on, to save America.”
Stranger: “You mean like in a Higgins boat?”
Bro: “…Whaa…whose boat? You can take her anywhere you want.”
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Considering they were Nats fans, you should have helped. Phillies fans, however…
Saturday afternoon on the Green Line towards Greenbelt, before the L’Enfant Plaza:
A group of people, maybe tourists, decked out in Nats gear are looking to try to get to the ballpark.
Tourist: “We need to get off here and get the Blue line. They play at the Ronald F. Kennedy Stadium.”
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Go back to the USSR!
At Meridian Hill Park on the 4th, while the fireworks are going off:
Late 20-something woman to a guy while watching the fireworks: “I’m just doing what society expects of me right now. I can’t wait to go home.”
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Yes, exactly
Two college-age women are crossing the street close to Washington Circle:
One takes a selfie without breaking stride. Her friend, walking a few steps in front, doesn’t seem to notice.
The one who took the selfie: “Taking a selfie while walking? YEAH!”
Her friend (without even looking back): “That’s what makes it cool.”
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It just flows off the tongue
Man pacing around a Georgetown advertising agency office while very loudly talking on his phone:
Man: “Well, Steve Jobs said Apple. It doesn’t make any sense. He could have easily said pineapple!”
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Don’t tell Marco Rubio
At the American History Museum on July 3:
Young couple is standing in front of the Supreme Court section of the presidents’ exhibit.
Man: “Clarence Thomas is a bitch!”
Woman: (says something inaudible, presumably telling her companion to tone it down)
Man: “I’m sorry, but it’s true—he’s a bitch!”
Woman: (again, inaudible)
Man: “What, am I being too loud or something?”
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Go back to the USSR, part 2
On Pennsylvania Avenue between the Archives Metro and the Capitol:
Two women are catching up on the weekend and talking about the fireworks.
Friend 1: “It was beautiful. Really huge. You could see them from all over. But can you imagine the carbon footprint?!”
Friend 2: “Yes, I know! All those heavy metals! We could really use that money to clean up Superfund sites!”
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Fun with tourists
Monday afternoon on a Blue Line train headed toward Franconia-Springfield:
A tourist family got separated when the dad made it through the doors at Arlington Cemetery but the mom and kids didn’t.
A train-rider gives her instructions on how to get off at the next stop and catch the next train back to meet dad. The mom, in a thick Alabama accent, asks if the stop would be “in a good neighborhood.”
The train-rider says it’s the Pentagon, so they would be more than OK.
A lady across the aisle, from behind her Express: “Yep, except for the possible terrorist attack.”
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And finally, the plague sweeping the city
Last Thursday evening walking to Union Station:
A young girl was skipping and running ahead of her parents as they walked past the Capital Bikeshare rack. At the same time, a mid-20s guy with a man bun was parking his bike.
Little girl: “Look mommy, he has a ponytail!”
Mother: “Yes, some men have ponytails too.”
Bikeshare guy, smiling: “It’s called a man bun.”
Little girl, shouting: “Man bun!!!”
Everyone laughs.
