Photo by Ryan Gregor

Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.

The city’s gotten expensive, with a lot of new construction and fancy renovations of older buildings. But that doesn’t mean they’re all well done. In fact …

Overheard of the Week

Thursday night at the Crystal City Chipotle:

Two women are talking about an apartment renovation:

Lady 1: “So it’s finally done? Is it nice?”
Lady 2: “No. It used to be like the Titanic ballroom, but now it’s like somebody pulled down their pants and shit out the worst parts of an Ikea show room.”

After the bros, tourists, kids and more.

Our official Overheard email address has changed! Please email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com from now on, and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

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Yup

On the Blue line, stuck at Rosslyn, waiting for another train to clear the single tracking area:

The train operator has already made this announcement about seven times:

Train operator: “We are waiting for another train to clear the single-tracking area. We apologize for the inconvenience and will be moving shortly.”
Random man: “YOU LIE!!!!”

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See the previous

In line to check out at Marshall’s at 14th and F:

Young woman on cell phone, with clothes in her arms: “I’m on my way over but there’s traffic.”

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She had better defect

Two drunk bros in tanktops are talking on the rooftop of an apartment building in Mt. Vernon Triangle:

Bro 1: (in reference to a girl nearby): “Bro, I’m telling you, I’ve got that shit on lockdown like North Korea.”
Bro 2: “Wait… you mean, like, her vagina?”

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Go back to Maryland

On Connecticut Avenue at Albemarle:

A woman in a car is honking her horn and shouting at the driver in front of her to turn left. The car in front is waiting first for an oncoming car and then a pedestrian. The wait causes the woman heightened agitation.

She misses the light, continues shouting, and as she throws the car in reverse without looking, she nearly hits a pedestrian walking behind her. The pedestrian begins to shout at her, as do other pedestrians.

She protests, which causes the pedestrians to become angrier as they detail her transgressions. “I live in this apartment building and have to listen to idiots like you blast their horns all day for no reason!” “You nearly killed me you idiot!” “There was someone in the intersection – that’s why they couldn’t turn!”

Finally, she covers her ears and screams, “Why is everybody shouting at me?!!”

A man responds, “Because you suck at driving!”

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Adorbz

A dad explaining the baseball game to his curious daughter last weekend:

Girl: “Who are they playing?”
Father: “The San Francisco Giants.”
Girl: “But I don’t see any giants.”
Father: “There is one at bat.”
Girl: “He isn’t a giant!”
Father: “Well it’s just they’re… Hey look, a bird!”

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UGH MOM

At Gallery Place-Chinatown on a Red line train at rush hour:

A mom is trying to get her two young children (maybe 6-8 years old) ready:

Mom: “Ok, time to get off.”
Son, loud and indignant: “The train doesn’t need to know!”

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Awkward

In a Navy Yard bar, a well-dressed white woman in her early 20s says to similarly white female friend:

Woman 1 (loudly): “For the last time, I have to spend all WEEK with Brown people, don’t you DARE make me hang out with them over the weekend too!”

(After noticing the stunned silence of the very racially mixed crowd around her)

Woman 1: “Oh! Oh my God! Brown University! I meant Brown University graduates! Ha ha ha. Ha. (trailing off) Black lives matter…”

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Oh, well then carry on

On a Silver Line train just outside of Clarendon:

A twenty-something guy to two twenty-something girls: “I’m not saying she was ugly. I just hated her face.”

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Not quite how it works

On the Red line towards Shady Grove on Wednesday morning:

20-year-old to his friend in a crowded train: “I used to be huge on Twitter. Thousands of tweets. I’d tweet like I was a celebrity.”

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Sometimes it’s just the little things

In Yards Park:

Guy, probably early 20s, walking and speaking into his phone: “OK Google. Are hermit crabs edible?”