Photo by Nikoo Yahyazadeh
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.
Ah, the joys of children. They change your life, make you see things in a new way. Sometimes they are awful, but sometimes they are hilarious and totally miss the point. Just keep them out of bars.
Overheard of the Week
On the L2 bus, 6 p.m. on a weekday:
One young woman (a nanny or aunt) with a 2-year-old boy, facing across from a mom and her 4-year-old boy. The young woman and the 2-year old are reading a book called “Teeth Are Not for Biting.”
Mom: “Oh that’s a great book! We struggled with that, too.”
4-year-old, shaking head: “Teeth for biting!”
After the jump, bros, Congresscritters, and real fancy-pantses.
Our official Overheard email address has changed! Please email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com from now on, and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
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At least he knows what a computer is
Green Line train on Friday about 9 pm:
Three young women are talking about working for a Congressman on the Hill.
Woman 1: “So, my boss came in and asked me how to use Google Earth. He said, ‘I want to see what’s going on in Syria right now.’ So, I had to tell him, ‘Um, sir, you know that Google Earth is just satellite photos? It’s not like you’ll be watching the fighting through NSA spy cameras.’ He was bummed.”
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Gourmands
At Chez Billy in Petworth:
A couple is eating escargot and having a somewhat awkward date at the bar.
Her: “If I ever order food, it’s gonna be Jimmy John’s.”
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Thank you, professor
Two twenty-something guys pulling suitcases along the C&O Canal in Georgetown:
Guy 1, pointing to the canal: “Is this the swamp that D.C. was built on?”
Guy 2: “No dude, it’s the Potomac River.”
Guy 1: “Oh, I didn’t realize we crossed into Virginia!”
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Empathy: catch it!
Outside the CVS by Farragut North:
A man in a wheelchair heading south approaches two women heading the opposite way.
Man: “Excuse me do you know where the elevator is?”
Woman: “No, I’m sorry I don’t. But I think there are escalators and stuff down there.” She points to the northern entrance to Farragut North.
Man, in a polite voice: “If I get on an escalator I might die. Thank you, though!” He leaves.
Woman, in a hushed voice to her friend: “Maybe he should just get on the escalator instead of asking us stupid fucking questions.”
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Stand by your convictions
Walking on Pennsylvania Ave towards Archives Metro:
A woman in her 20s is using the universal tone of frustration only moms can bring out.
“Mom! I’m not planning the next year of my life around going to a Taylor Swift concert with my sister! I’m sorry, but…”
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Driving in D.C.
In Cleveland Park on Connecticut Ave during afternoon rush hour, a car is blocking the intersection:
Driver 1 (in a big truck) honking and yelling out his window: “Wipe that smirk off your face, asshole!”
Driver 2 (the one blocking the intersection), with a shit-eating grin, waves and drives off.
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The joys of parenthood
Tuesday morning on Capitol Hill:
A smiling, suit-clad mother is attempting to cajole her roughly three-year-old daughter into a cafe for breakfast. The little girl thinks this is the worst idea ever.
Gil: “Not hungry!”
Mom: “But mommy is hungry…”
Girl: “NOT hungry!”
Mom: “…and there’s no food at mommy’s office…”
Girl: “NOT HUNGRY!”
Mom: “…It’s the recess right now, so we have to get food here. No food at mommy’s office”
Girl makes sniffle-pout.
Mom: “How about we get food here, and take it to mommy’s office? Is that okay?”
[Long pause while considering]
Girl: “Okay.”
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Omnivorous
Wednesday evening in the Rockville Whole Foods:
Three young (7-9 yrs old) boys are running around the hot bar filling up containers to take home to have dinner.
Boy 1 is filling his plate with pulled pork. Boy 2 walks up and looks at the pork.
Boy 2, in horror: “That’s what pork looks like?!?! I’m becoming a vegetarian!!”
Boy 1: “But it’s delicious!”
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The Metro, also not dull
Saturday afternoon, Dupont Circle Metro station:
A Shady Grove-bound train was offloaded and people have been waiting for a train for 10+ minutes since then. One approaches the station at a ridiculously slow speed, and stops about 1/3 of the way into the platform.
Man: “What is this, just the tip?! Let’s go!”
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And finally, Overseen in D.C.
On the Metro:
A large women stands in the doorway as she enters the train. Then a man behind her says “move” and what appears to be her boyfriend with a child in a stroller, follow. Just as they get on, she jumps off the train.
The boyfriend bends down and gives the little boy a kiss only to realize the girlfriend got off the train. So he gets off too, with the boy, and the adults are bickering. Then all of a sudden she jumps on the train as the doors close. She is laughing as the train pulls away.
At the next station, she is laughing as she pulls her ringing phone out. It has a picture of the boyfriend with the name “Situationship.”
