Photo by Jordan Barab
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
Metro rides are usually either boring or unpleasant. Maybe there’s another way to make them more exciting.
Overheard of the Week
Green Line train going towards Branch Avenue last Tuesday during the morning rush hour commute:
Young woman (presumably to her boyfriend): “I’m so tired.”
Boyfriend: “You need some cocaine. Or maybe PCP!”
Our official Overheard email address has changed! Please email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com from now on, and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
After the jump, older bros, dumb tourists, weirdos, and goofballs.
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Or not
Three people in their early twenties walking near the Ballston Metro:
Guy: “No one from my high school went to UVa. I was the furthest at JMU.”
Woman 1: “Really?”
Guy: “Yeah, we had one person who went to Brown University.”
Woman 2 (puzzled): “Brown? What’s that?”
Guy: “Its a historically black college….”
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This is an unusual crossword puzzle
On 17th Street in Dupont:
Twenty-something man on the phone: “Well, no … I mean ‘I’m smoking a cigarette’ and ‘I’m sucking a dick’ would have the same number of words depending on the dialect.”
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Do what
Outside Lou Lou on 14th Street NW on Wednesday night:
Young twenty-something woman admiring the window setup, talking loudly into her phone: “I need, like, more mental illness and more white trash…” Trails off.
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You may be in the wrong line of work
Two mid-twenty-something coworkers are eating lunch in Lafayette Square:
Male coworker: “How was India?”
Female coworker: “I’m so tired of this third world shit. I just can’t even. “
Male coworker: “…you work at the World Bank. “
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The D.C. price tag
At a department store:
An early-thirties guy is shopping for shoes. He picks up a pair of Frye boots and sees the price:
Guy: “I gotta be a GS-15 to afford this.”
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Local culture
Sunday afternoon, two thirty-something guys in fitted khakis emerge from the National Portrait Gallery:
Guy with maroon khakis: “So … it’s 4 o’clock. Do you wanna go to the drum circle?”
Other guy: [silence]
Guy with maroon khakis: “…or just get an iced coffee and go home?”
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Saying it a lot makes it more impressive
At a conference in a Senate office building:
Guy in his mid-sixties in a bro outfit (tight pastel polo, white pants) talking to a young woman in her mid twenties: “You know, I always eat alpha males for lunch.” (He repeats this at least five times during the conversation.)
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Education!
On a Red Line train at Dupont Circle:
A high school senior is talking to her friends about college applications: “I got a full ride to Texas Tech … but if you’re serious about your education, you don’t go to Texas Tech. You go to Texas Tech to party and get an STD.”
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I love Metro train operators
Wednesday evening on the Green Line:
The horn is sounded as the train is pulling into the Waterfront station. Upon pulling out,the train operator calls out over the intercomm: “I’m speaking to the young lady in the tan pants and red top. If you’re looking for something to do, do not come on Metro and play on the platform by the edge. This is for your own safety. If you need something to do, go to the library.”
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Colors are hard
Two tourists in Lafayette Square around lunchtime:
One woman is yelling at her friend while vigorously pointing at the (red brick) United States Court of Federal Claims building: “Someone told me we were standing in front of the White House, so I was standing in front of that building! THAT isn’t the White House!”
She then points at White House which sits clearly on her right: “THAT is the White House!”
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And finally, this raises a lot of questions: does the Pope like Potbelly? Is he into milkshakes? Why strawberries and Oreos?
At the Chinatown Potbelly:
Two coworkers ask for a “Papal shake.”
Cashier: “A what? Who?”
They explain that the Pope is coming to DC and they heard Potbelly was offering a special milkshake in his honor.
Cashier: “Hm, I don’t know nothin’ about no Pope shake.”
The cashier asks the manager, who calls the Potbelly near Catholic U., who explains it’s a strawberry Oreo milkshake. The manager makes the shake, and adds extra strawberries as garnish so they can take Instagrams.
