Photo by Jordan Barab
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
D.C. is a city that likes to debate: politics (both federal and local), comparisons to other cities, best places to eat and drink, and so on. But sometimes, you just have to go nuclear to win the argument.
Overheard of the Week
On the 92 bus:
Two old men wearing earbuds are sitting at the front of the bus having some kind of disagreement. Things are getting tense.
Old man #1: “I bet you wouldn’t say that if we got off this bus right now.”
Old man #2: “Bet I would.”
Old man #1: “You wanna get off this bus right now? We’re getting off? Green sock wearing mother f*cker.”
The disagreement ends.
After the jump, sung advice, smart kids and the service industry.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
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The service industry is booming
At Johnny Pistola’s on Saturday evening:
A 50-something woman and a 20-something woman are discussing the menu. A waiter in his 20’s comes by.
Woman # 1 asks if the corn is on the cob.
Waiter: “What’s that?”
Woman: “You don’t know what corn-on-the-cob is?”
Waiter: “Well, I’ve heard of it, but I don’t know what it is”.
Later, she declares the corn delicious and summons the water. She asks for another ear of corn. The waiter responds, “Oh, so now it’s an eeeeearrrr!”
Everyone laughs.
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He makes a good point
During evening rush hour outside the U Street Metro:
An older man is walking and singing loudly. He passes some young guys hanging out outside the Starbucks who scowl at him.
Singing man yells: “Come on! Ain’t nobody so gangsta they can’t smile!”
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Case dismissed
In traffic court:
Early 50s aristocrat-type is trying to get out of a parking ticket: “I have a master’s degree in English and even I couldn’t understand the signs!”
Judge: “Oh? What did the signs say?”
Early 50s man: “No parking, permit only.”
Judge: “Did you have the permit?”
Early 50s man: “…well, no.”
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Belated, but so D.C.
At the snowball fight in Meridian Hill/Malcolm X park in the thick of the fight last month:
Two twenty-somethings are on what appears to be a date.
“So tell me about your fellowship.”
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Getting older?
Two fifty-something guys drinking beer at Hard Times bar in Old Town:
Guy #1: “I don’t want to date around anymore—I just want a girlfriend.”
Guy #2: “You don’t date around that much…”
Guy #1: “Nah, I just sleep around.”
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Ban brunch
A loud group of people, seemingly tourists, walking on 17th and U NW after what seemed to be a hardcore brunch:
Woman #1: “I don’t know where we are. Where are we, exactly?”
Woman #2: “We’re on U Street.”
Woman #1: “No, I mean like, what state are we in? Virginia? Maryland?”
Woman #2: “You’re not in a state, you’re in the District of Columbia.”
Woman #1: “Yeah, but what state is that?”
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#smh
Sunday afternoon, walking toward the end of the line for the second floor of the Renwick Gallery
A staffer is holding up a “The line is here” sign.
Late 20s guy says to his friend: “It’s just like Trader Joe’s!”
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Breaking the news
In an open plan cubicle jungle at a small federal agency:
Co-worker on the phone: “We need someone with influence.”
Silence as she listens to the other person on the phone.
Co-worker: “No, he died. But he would have been a good suggestion.”
Silence as she listens to the other person on the phone.
Co-worker: “No, I’m telling you—he died! He actually died!!”
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Maybe he prefers flat whites
At Starbucks:
Woman with approximately 10-year-old antsy child (presumably her son) also waiting. Her name gets called.
Child to Mom: “There! There, are you happy now?! There’s your silly no foam vanilla latte!!”
