Photo by Tim Brown.
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
People elsewhere complain about Washington, that we’re out of touch and elitist and get nothing done and so on. Of course, that’s mostly the politicians they’re talking about: the kids can be pretty smart.
Overheard of the Week
A few Fridays ago, about 6 p.m., corner of 1st and D Streets SE on the Hill:
Two 5-7 year olds have a hot chocolate stand set up in front of their house.
One of the kids, to a 40ish man walking by in a suit: “Sir, would you like to buy a cup of bipartisan hot chocolate?”
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
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I Wish This Happened More Often
Morning on a Red Line train:
Guy to random girl, awkwardly breaking the silence in the packed Metro car: “How long is pineapple good for?”
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Cooties
Happy Hour at a bar in Chinatown, Thursday Night:
A man to his group, possibly commenting on or retelling a story: “I don’t care about your vagina ma’am! It scares me!”
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Who Does That?
People have been planning a photoshoot all day. Models, photographers, and stylists have been in and out constantly.
Model, right before they actually start taking pictures: “So we’re Italians on vacation in Italy?”
Photographer: “No, you’re Italians on vacation in Georgetown.”
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Hope She Gave Five Stars
Walking into an office in SW on Friday Morning:
Woman to the receptionist: “Last night was rough … Nights like that are probably why my Uber rating is so low.”
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Game, Little Sister
On the outbound orange line Metro around Courthouse Metro:
Dad with 2 daughters, who are casually dressed.
Older sister (about 9): “Let’s play a game and ask each other questions!”
Younger sister (about 6): “OK!”
Older sister: “What’s one plus five?”
Dad: “Six!”
Younger sister (excitedly): “Ok… well… what’s x plus z?”
Older sister (rolling her eyes): “What? what’s x plus z? (with an incredulous tone) That doesn’t make sense!”
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Sexy
A residential street in Georgetown, around 5 p.m.:
A late-20s woman is on the phone with a friend.
Woman: “Oh, I order all my toilet paper on Amazon now.” (pause) “Yeah, I think about you every time I wipe.”
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Oh, Thank God!
At Whole Foods on P Street on Saturday afternoon:
Male shopper to companion: “Bulk lentils are back in stock!”
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Hard Questions
Morning at the top of the Washington Monument:
40-something couple with Northeastern yuppie-ish accents with their one 9ish year old son:
Wife to husband: “Why is it called D.C.?”
Husband: “Because there is a Washington Monument.”
Pause.
Wife again (not ironically): “Why not call it the Lincoln Monument? Why Washington? Lincoln was a big deal.”
Husband (annoyed): “There’s already a Lincoln Monument.”
Same couple, later on the deck below where the exhibits are:
Wife: “Why is it called the Pentagon?”
Child asked no questions.
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Gotta Be Safe
Saturday night outside the Safeway on Columbia Rd in Adams Morgan:
Two drunk, presumably homeless men are chest to chest exchanging fighting words.
Man 1: “You callin’ me a bitch?!”
Man 2: “No, are you one?”
Man 1: “You callin’ me a bitch?
Woman sitting against the store wall: “Will the two of you shut up, I have an open container!”
