Photo by Zach Montellaro
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
It’s no surprise that here at Overheard in D.C., Metro train operators are a popular topic. They’re often funny, sassy or ridiculous, and unlike a lot of people in the city, they’re free to basically say whatever they want. It will be a sad day when they’re replaced by automated announcements.
Overheard of the Week
On a weekend Red line train at Metro Center:
A woman is walking quickly trying to make the train, pushing a young kid in a stroller.
Automated announcement says “step back, doors closing.”
Woman runs forward and pushes stroller into the doors, blocking them. After a moment, the doors open and release the stroller. The woman gets on the train.
Other people on train exchange incredulous looks.
Conductor over loudspeaker: “Oh no, I did NOT just see you do that! Doors are closing means stand back, not ‘let me push my kid in there.'”
Woman turns bright red.
Automated announcement: “step back, doors closing.”
After the jump, interns, tourists, and college kids. The trifecta.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
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It’s fun watching them grow into full sized people
Lafayette Park, around 5 p.m. on Tuesday:
Three 20-somethings wearing intern badges walking past Lafayette Park on the H St side.
Girl: “You should get a picture of that!”, pointing.
Boy: “What, the horse?” (pause) “Oh!” as he realizes the White House is just beyond the statue of Jackson.
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One of those new high fructose corn syrup varieties
At the Takoma Park Farmers Market:
A twenty or thirty-something man and a woman are walking along with another female friend, and they have stopped at Toigo Orchard’s stall to try some of their apple slices.
Man: (picks up a slice of Pink Lady apple, inspects it, and eats it) “This tastes just like a Starburst!”
Woman: (picks up a very similar slice of apple and proceeds to eat it) “You’re right—this really does taste like a Starburst!”
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The fusion cuisine would be interesting
On Pennsylvania Avenue sidewalk, near 10th St NW:
Canadian flags line the streets for Justin Trudeau’s visit.
Guy walking quickly and talking on his phone: “And they’ve got all these Mexican flags up…”
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How do you walk out head last?
Man and woman talking on a crowded Metro train:
Woman: “The scariest thing happened to me on the New York subway. I was stepping off the train and the conductor closed the doors early, and they got stuck on my head!”
Man: “On your head??!!”
Woman: “Yeah! I think he closed them by accident.”
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Populism
A 20-something couple is sitting on a bench near the Supreme Court, eating lunch on one of the first summery days of the year:
A man in his forties or so jogs by, clearly on his lunchtime workout. He’s wearing a T-shirt with a major financial institution logo emblazoned across it.
The couple watches him, and as he turns the corner, the man turns to the woman: “You know, anyone jogging between the Capitol and the Supreme Court while wearing a t-shirt that says JP Morgan pretty much deserves to be hit by the next car.”
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Big fan of lions, witches, wardrobes
At Beuchert’s Saloon in Eastern Market around happy hour:
Mid 20s woman to two friends, who are listening intently: “Of course! He’s my favorite man. Well, my second favorite man. Jesus, C.S. Lewis, my dad. But if you ask my dad: Jesus, my dad, C.S. Lewis.”
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Adorbs
At the National Arboretum on Friday morning when the eaglet had just hatched:
A three year old girl is with mom and baby brother.
Mom tells daughter: “It’s the baby eagle’s birthday today! It was just born so we have to be very quiet.”
3-year-old whispers for a while but as they begin to walk away, turns back to the tree and yells, “Happy birthday baby eagle! We’re going to bring you some caaaaake!!”
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Pot, kettle, etc.
Tuesday afternoon at 17th and Pennsylvania, NW:
A family of out-of-towners is on their way to the National Mall.
Kid 1: “That’s the White House.” [Points at the Executive Office Building].
Kid 2: “No it’s not.”
Kid 1, defiantly: “YES, it is!”
Kid 2: “No, it’s not even white.”
Dad: “HAHA! TOURIST! We have a TOURIST here, everybody!”
30 seconds prior:
Dad: “So we’re going to take a right at [Penn and] 16th. We’ll go past the White House, but I don’t think we can go inside.”
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Do what now
Very early in the morning in the Columbia Heights Target:
Two 30 something guys are looking at bras.
Guy 1: “Ugh, I have no good bras anymore.”
Guy 2: “How about this one?”
Guy 1: “Ugh, I don’t know. I haven’t decided if I’m being Angela Bassett yet.”
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And finally, you don’t just learn in classes at college
In Georgetown, two GU undergrads are talking:
Girl 1: “You know, it just dawned on me how expensive it is to, like, have food.”
Girl 2: “What?”
Girl 1: “I mean, like, if someone isn’t there to feed you, it costs A LOT.”
