Photo by Kevin Wolf
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
Oh, tourists. They come to see our memorials, our Mall, our museums and maybe learn something. They spend money and patronize local businesses, but sometimes they bring their biases with them.
Overheard of the Week
Near the Washington Monument, which sports marble from two different quarries:
A middle-aged woman sporting a visor and fanny-pack to her 8 year-old son in a t-shirt at least four sizes too big.
Boy: “Momma, why is it two different colors?”
Woman: “Because this Communist president won’t pay to clean it!”
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
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Fusion cuisine!
Last week standing in line at the new Cava Mezze Grill in Dupont circle, a Mediterranean fast casual restaurant.
Young woman 1: “This line is so crazy but I think it’ll go fast.”
Young woman 2: “Wait, they don’t have guacamole?”
Young woman 3: “Um, no.”
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Much better than literally can’t even
On Connecticut Avenue near Calvert Woodley Liquors:
A young boy lies like a sack of potatoes on the ground. A little girl (they’re both maybe 8-10 years old) pulls on his arm, trying to get him to stand up.
Boy: “Fuck no, girl. Fuck no.”
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Awwww
Saturday around noon on the Red Line towards Shady Grove:
A girl, about 5 years old, shows her mother something she wrote in her journal.
The page reads: “Please do not lean on the doors.”
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Preach it
While standing in the rain waiting to get into see the screening of Jeopardy:
Man, to his girlfriend: “I am fundamentally opposed to ponchos.”
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Empanadas die of shame
Thursday afternoon in front of Pana’s Gourmet Empanadas on P Street:
A tourist family of 3 with parents and a teenage daughter is standing and looking.
Mother: “It’s like Hot Pockets.”
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Civic pride
On April 15th (Emancipation Day) in front of the D.C. government building that houses the Office of Tax and Revenue:
Woman, yelling at the building: “What is this Exclamation Day? I’m just trying to pay my taxes!? Hmmph, Exclamation. How am I supposed to pay my taxes?”
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Oof
In the checkout line at the CVS at 7th & K:
Young boy, about 5, pointing at the tabloid rack: “Look Mom! It’s Donald Trump’s lady!”
Mom, slightly concerned: “No, honey, that’s Hillary Clinton. She’s running for president, too.”
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Lolz
At Union Station:
A 12-year-old boy (part of a school tour to D.C.) to his fellow classmate: “Don’t know why these kids are heading to Victoria’s Secret? Terrible!”
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Thanks for the advice?
At Billy Goat Tavern:
Two guys in their 30s, one in a suit and the other in a t-shirt, who don’t appear to know each other are engaged in small talk.
Suit guy, loudly: “If you’re going to hit someone at a bar in D.C., and sometimes man, you need to, don’t do it on a Saturday because your ass will be in jail until the courts open Monday morning. Do it on a Friday.”
The guy in the t-shirt looks like he’s being held hostage.
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Been there
At Tenley-Friendship Library:
Middle school-aged girl: “She was screaming and crying, talking about marshmallows!”
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Yay work!
Near the Watergate as the crowd is leaving the Kennedy Center after the Yo-Yo Ma and Emanuel Ax concert:
Woman 1 is talking about a meeting gone bad at a law firm.
Woman 1: “All the old white men laughed. Everyone else was uncomfortable.”
Woman 2: “That is awful. How could they think that was funny?”
Woman 1: [sadly] “All the old white men laughed. Everyone else was uncomfortable. God, it’s like a metaphor for my entire life.”
Woman 2: [deadpan] “It’s like a metaphor for all of civilization.”
The crowd got really quiet for a block or so after that.
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And there you go
Sunday April 24th, about 2 a.m. in Adams Morgan:
Three twenty-something guys are trying (unsuccessfully) to catch a cab on Columbia Rd. It’s a bit chilly.
Guy 1: “Jesus. It’s so fucking cold right now. I’m freezing my dick off.”
Guy 2: “Why do the conversations with this group always end up turning to dicks falling off? (a few seconds pass) Seriously though, I can’t think of anything that scares me more.”
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On how to bike on the road?
Downtown:
Man biking on the sidewalk forces two (walking) women out of his way as he barks into his phone: “Well, what I’m waiting for next is a written response from the State Department.”
