(Photo by Ali Jones)
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006; check out the archives here.
Kids: sometimes frustrating, sometimes hilarious, sometimes telling it like it is.
Overheard of the Week
On H Street NE around 7:30 pm on Friday night:
A group of high school seniors, some of whom are wearing “Class of 16” hoodies, are walking and pass Copycat Co.
One of the girls twirls her lanyard: “Guys, there’s so much hip fast casual shit down here.”
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
After the jump: dating, Nats, old people and conventions.
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Who says D.C. doesn’t have good sports fans?
At Nats Park Wednesday, during Max Scherzer’s record-tying 20 strikeout game:
Two 20-something males discussing how epic this game is in about the 6th inning:
Guy 1: “Man, if Scherzer breaks the strikeout record, I’m calling out of work tomorrow.”
Guy 2: “If Scherzer breaks the strikeout record, I”m shitting my pants!”
(Then in the 9th inning, Scherzer is working on his 20th strikeout.)
Guy 2: “Dude, don’t forget, if he breaks this, you’re calling out of work tomorrow.”
Guy 1: “Yeah, well you have to shit your pants!”
Guys 2: “Shit — YOU’RE RIGHT!”
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Education
On Thursday afternoon at the Air and Space Museum on the Mall:
The museum is packed with out-of-town school groups in matching t-shirts.
A group of visiting middle school students are talking with an astronomer.
Student 1: “How did the Universe begin?”
Astronomer: “Have you ever heard of the Big Bang Theory?”
Student 2: “No, we go to Catholic school.”
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Yup
A woman while walking away from the Capitol on Thursday:
“I have two acquaintances who I just found out are Trump supporters and now I have to think less of them. I didn’t think they were stupid, but now I know they are.”
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So Arlington
Walking from Clarendon to Courthouse on Saturday after an early brunch:
A young guy in his late 20s or early 30s is on his cell phone: “…Maybe a picture of Providence or Nantucket… I dunno. Or maybe a first edition book? Or maybe… a nice pen? I don’t know how crazy we are getting here…”
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Seems logical
On Monday near the intersection of Georgia Avenue and Lamont Street NW:
Two middle-aged men are talking. Man #2 was standing facing a tree while Man #1 was standing next to him.
Man 1: “Why are you pissing in a bottle?”
Man 2: “Because I don’t want anyone to see my penis.”
Man 1: “That don’t make no sense. You are standing in front of a tree, just pee on the ground.”
Man 2: “I told you! I don’t want no one seeing my penis.”
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Duh the Anacostia is tidal
At the Nats vs. Detroit Tigers game on Tuesday evening:
Two 50-60 year old men watching the Nationals’ mascot, Screech, toss t-shirts: “Why is there a seagull? Why is that guy dressed like a seagull?”
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Online dating!
Two mid-20s women in the office:
Woman 1: “I put camping and being ‘outdoorsy’ and hiking in all my profiles, even though I don’t actually like any of that stuff. Give me a 4 star hotel over camping any day.”
Woman 2: “YAS! I mean I liked it when I was a kid. And ditching my heels and makeup and get a cute Lulu outfit is great. But I’d still need to bring my whole night time regimen with me: cleanser, toner, face mask, moisturizer. I mean, duh.”
Woman 1: “I know! And like the camp fire would be cool, but ya know, without smelling like bug spray and smoke. The outside part is dumb but boys like that I put it on my profile. So it stays!”
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Offline dating!
A couple on a horrible first-ish date at Right Proper on Sunday afternoon:
The man is so drunk he just spilled his whole beer.
Man: “I’d like to die of alcohol poisoning because at least I’d be flatlining with a smile on my face.”
Woman: “Well that’s a depressing way to look at it.”
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Tricky etiquette
While waiting in line at the Columbia Heights Best Buy:
Two men are talking while waiting to check out.
Man 1: “You don’t go to people’s funerals if you’re not invited.”
Man 2: “Yeah, but they can’t shut down the church…”
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Government piñata?
In front of a Rosslyn office building mid-morning on Tuesday:
A man and woman (both in their 40s-ish) have exited the building and are walking toward the street.
Woman: “You can’t shake a stick without hitting a GS-15. There’s just too many of them around there.”
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Wanna bet?
Outside of the Reagan Building:
Business man in a suit talking on his phone: “Graham crackers are not homicidal. I mean, that shit just ain’t right.”
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AwesomeCon? NRA? My Little Pony?
After work outside Longworth House Office Building:
A young man in his late 20s/early 30s passes a woman of similar age. Presumably they are both Hill staffers:
Man: “You off to buy body armor for the convention?”
Woman: “Nope! All stocked up already!”
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But now you are immune to everything
Wednesday, lunchtime, Open City at the National Cathedral:
Three teenagers, two girls, one boy, are eating lunch.
Teenage girl: “This one time when I was little, I licked a lollipop off the ground and was sick for two months.”
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Oh really?
Friday evening at the Columbia Heights Target:
Suit on cellphone: “Sorry, I can’t; I’m actually in New York right now.”
