Photo by Jim Havard
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
Our city is serious about work, but also has a pretty specific work culture. That may be a bit shocking to people from other places.
Overheard of the Week
On a silent Metrobus:
Young woman on the phone with presumably her mom: “Oh my God, we went to happy hour after work and I saw my boss get drunk! That never would have happened at my last office!”
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How exciting.
At the grand opening of the Harris Teeter in Bethesda on Wednesday:
The doors have just opened and people are chaotically rushing in to grab carts.
Woman in her early-mid 30s: “Wow, I feel like I’m on Supermarket Sweep!”
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Almost
A dad and young son are walking towards the center of the Navy Memorial Plaza:
Dad: “Look! It’s a map of the U.S. Can you find where we live?”
Dad and son stare at the world map paving pattern for several moments.
Boy looks up, yells “Pigeons!” and takes off across the plaza. The dad lingers awhile longer staring at the map slightly confused.
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Proof that tourist behavior is born, not learned
Tourist family doing some hardcore esca-lefting at Metro Center as commuters squeeze past during evening rush:
Dad: “Come on guys, out of the way.” [whistles to get their attention].
School-aged child [to no one in particular]: “I don’t understand the point of walking down an escalator.”
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Tom Cruise?
Corner of 16th and P Street NW in Dupont:
Two millennials exit the Scientology building.
Woman 1 to Man 1: “It’s so weird that all of their books only have ONE author.”
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This started well…
Before Jon Oliver at the Kennedy Center on Saturday night:
A couple is standing in line to get drinks.
“What? You’ve never seen the Einstein memorial? Have you ever actually done a tour of D.C.? Ok, here is what we will do, we’ll get some wine, and I’ll drive you around D.C. at night.”
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Is the funny part the dad, or what the kid is drinking?
Friday evening about 6 p.m. outside at Glen’s Garden Market in Dupont:
A six-year-old boy who has not sat still in more than 5 minutes is sitting with adult male who is visibly frazzled, waiting for the boy’s dad to emerge with food and drinks.
Boy: “I can’t wait for my Kombucha!”
Adult: “I can’t wait for my beer.”
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This guy is an intense dancer
On Sunday, Aug 28 around 6 p.m. on the Red Line:
Three young women in CUA gear were talking.
In the most matter-of-fact tone, Woman 1: [couldn’t hear name] “is in the hospital. He was doing the Stanky Leg and dislocated his tailbone. After it dislocated, it pierced his skin.”
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Like, your favorite color?
Walking north on 16th Street NW, between L and M:
Woman in her mid to late 20s, shouting into her phone: “I’m not sure I really want the job now [pause]. I mean, he started by asking me about my skills and abilities and what I can bring to the job. He didn’t ask anything about ME!”
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Greaaattttt
In an ob-gyn’s waiting room in D.C.:
A middle-aged man is talking on his phone: “Hey! How you?” [pause] “Well, I have a couple of ex-wives and every morning that I wake up breathing, they figure I’m doing better than I deserve.”
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Hello!
At Duke’s Grocery, Tuesday, August 2:
Woman clearly overwhelming her guy friend with dating issues at happy hour exclaims:
“HELLO! I can’t eat a cheese plate alone! Because when you eat a cheese plate, you have to be able to ‘oooh and ahhh’ with someone.”
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Not a terrible idea
Riding on the Red Line from AU to downtown:
Three young millennials are talking to each other.
Woman 1: “My boss looks like Ron Swanson.”
Guy: “Who’s Ron Swanson?”
Woman 2: “Oh my God, you don’t watch Parks and Recreation?”
Guy: “Huh-uh.”
Woman 1: “You have to. It is critical. It’s all about government.”
Woman 2: “Seriously. I watched it to prepare for coming here.”
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Be on the lookout
In an apartment building near American University:
Police officers are responding to a noise complaint.
Cop 1 (over the radio to Cop 2): “Yeah, we’re looking for a white female.”
Cop 2 looks around at all the white females, sighs: “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”
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Congress?
On the street near Dupont:
Middle-aged woman wearing all black and 3-inch heels with cell phone propped against her head: “Why do I think America is so sh*tty? Ha, look who you’ve got running the country!!!!”
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Well…
On the patio at Tryst, mid afternoon on a Wednesday:
Two notably white hipsters in their very early twenties are talking about where they’d like to travel.
One young man to the other: “Yeah, but Thailand is a total shit hole now because of all the white people.”
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