Photo by Ted Eytan
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
We try not to, but sometimes it’s tough to not make snap judgments about people. You have to pick the right criteria, though.
Overheard of the Week
On 14th Street post-brunch:
One late 20-something to another: “Oh no, I knew I hated her as soon as she said she doesn’t like mimosas OR Bloody Marys.”
After the jump, voters, Metro operators, spelunkers and more.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
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Oh really?
Halfway through a tour of Luray Caverns on Veterans Day:
Elementary school-aged boy: “But I’m hungry, I need a snack.”
Mom: “I know, but like I said, you can’t eat in here or the alarms will go off and all these spikes [points to stalactites] will fall on everyone.”
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Maybe try some fiber? Prunes?
At the Capitol Hilton bar:
A man and woman in their mid-50’s with strong New York accents are talking. Both are already intoxicated.
Woman (enthusiastically): “I live off my laxatives!”
Man starts giggling.
Woman: “I’m not kidding. It’s my life. Every single day. It’s the only way.”
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Yeesh
On the Red line at Metro Center during the evening commute:
The train doors have attempted to close three times, unsuccessfully.
Train operator: “Attention customers in the first car, if someone can do me a favor, and it can be anyone, if you could help me out and pull the middle door closed, that would be great.”
A few seconds later, the train is onward.
En route to the next station, train operator: “Kudos to the customer in the first car that closed the door, you saved us from going out of service.”
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We’ve made it! Or maybe misheard? Either way, we’ll take it
At Bourbon in Adams Morgan:
A 30-something woman is talking to a 40-something.
40-something: “How is your mean cat?”
30-something: “He’s fine. He just bit me this morning.”
40-something: “Great. He is the meanest motherf*cker on the planet. He is a DCist.”
30-something: “I know, right?”
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Iceland, the new Canada?
Near NASA headquarters, two guys are talking as they walk:
Guy 1: “So I posted ‘girl from Iceland, you have my headphones!’ and added my name and address. So a month later, I get a package from Iceland and I’m like ‘f*** yeah, my headphones!'”
Guy 2: “I didn’t even know they had mail in Iceland.”
Guy 1: “Yeah, I hope she didn’t spend a lot of money on FedEx or something. But those are good headphones.”
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We will
At last Saturday’s Ohio State-Maryland game:
Person walks down the aisle to his row and realizes his seat all the way at the other end: “Sorry. Excuse me. BLAME TRUMP!!”
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Phew
Outside Columbia Heights Metro:
Two 20 or 30-something women, both in tan trench coats, are chatting.
Woman 1: “This neighborhood is so you. There’s a Panda Express. You always live near a Panda Express.”
Woman 2: “I know! And there’s a Chick Fil-A.”
Woman 1: “I LOOVE Chick Fil-A! Are we still not allowed to go there?”
Woman 2: “I asked my gay friend; he said it’s ok. You know because of DOMA. The court struck it down.”
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Hooray for the excitement, at least
Leaving MLK Library after voting on Election Day:
Two early 30s guys are pumped.
Guy 1: “I feel so… American!”
Guy 2: “HELL YEAH!”
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This actually seems like a good strategy
Monday at 5:30pm on the Orange Line to Vienna, which is single tracking because of a sick passenger at Foggy Bottom:
At Rosslyn Station, ten-plus people rush and claw their way onto an already packed car.
40-something man on the car being pushed by the rushing people, yelling: “Hey! My name is John. Just in case you wanted to know who you are sticking it to right now.”
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Let’s hope she likes mimosas and bloody marks, at least
At the Foggy Bottom Trader Joe’s on a Thursday evening:
An early 20s man and woman are waiting in line, talking and looking at a phone.
Woman, reacting negatively: “Is that what she currently looks like? Oh, God!”
Man: “She works at Joseph A. Bank!”
