Photo by Kevin Wolf

Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.

Why lie when you can tell an alternative fact?

Overheard of the Week

In the women’s bathroom, Longworth House Office Building, on Monday morning:

Woman on janitorial staff comes in to start cleaning the restroom and is talking on her phone: “I’ve been telling alternative facts my whole life. I’m about to go tell one right now so I can go home.”

After the jump, marchers, inaugurators, protestors, and more.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

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Hmm.

On Pennsylvania Avenue on the morning of the Women’s March:

A group of young women is walking to the protest carrying various hand-written signs. One reads, “I’m grabbing back!”

A couple in their mid-30s passes in the other direction. After the women are no longer in earshot, the man asks, “Do women not know that guys like it when women grab us?”

His female companion replies, “She’s young.”

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That’s not good

On the Orange line train during Friday morning rush:

Train operator: “Attention customers. At the next stop the first car will be isolated due to… body fluids.”

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What a strange and wonderful land

In front of the White House the night before Inauguration:

Person 1: “How long is a mile?”
Person 2: “I don’t know, I’m Canadian.”

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That’s a hard nope

Crossing street at Union Station on inauguration morning:

Young man in a bow tie asks a young woman next to him: “Are you with us?”
Woman: “No, I am an anarchist. I would have been here either way.”

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Pretty much

At CoCo Sala after a chocolate and whiskey tasting:

Some people are finishing their whiskey and chatting. A woman is talking to some people who came in a group about her companion, how he’s a Navy SEAL, and they’re starting a business. She starts showing the group her weapons training videos and the discussion turns to gun permits.

Different woman: “In Virginia, you sneeze and say ‘handgun’ and it’s yours.”

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These cops know what’s up

Tuesday night at the pro-immigrant protest outside the White House:

One D.C. police officer to another as they reroute traffic: “What did I tell you, these protest crowds are gonna get bigger and bigger ever since that asshole got elected.”

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Yeah how weird

At the First Ladies exhibit in the National Museum of American History on Sunday afternoon:

A man in the exhibit, surrounded by women, wondering aloud to no one in particular: “Hm, it’s really crowded in here today.”
Woman: “Well, there are a lot of women in town this weekend…”

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Geography is hard

On the Green line Tuesday during the evening commute:

Three 30-something locals are talking about their adulthood journeys.

Guy to his friends: “I wanted to buy a place in New York. Well, not New York City, but, you know, Queens.”

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These are not the Smithsonians you are looking for

At the Air and Space Museum on Sunday:

Two 20-something women are walking through the main gallery.

Woman to her friend: “Well, I think I have Jedi superpowers…”