Photo by Kevin Harber
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
It’s not an easy time to be a government worker, but maybe there’s some mild hope for some.
Overheard of the Week
At a three-letter government agency:
Longtime government employee to a colleague: “My new boss thinks that Trump is crazy, and that is a very important trait that I was looking for.”
After the jump, bros, romance, lawyers and more.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
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On Columbia Road NW:
Two men in their thirties and one older woman (maybe mom?) are walking. One of the men is holding the woman’s hand.
He points to the spot where Chief Ike’s was: “And there’s Chief Ike’s. That’s where I hung out with George Clooney.”
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Non sequitur, but agreed
At the Eastern Market Public Library book sale:
Two older men, presumably talking about people who live outside their means.
Man 1: “… champagne taste on a beer budget, ya know?”
Man 2: “Oh yeah. And Virginians are the worst!”
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Ah, parenting
In the men’s room at Regal Gallery Place:
A dad with his kid is by the urinal.
Dad: “Get closer! You’re peeing on yourself! Get closer! Oh, buddy, come on! See how your shorts are all wet? That’s what you don’t want. Okay, stand over here. Hey, why are you staring at my wee-wee? Don’t do that. Just be cool, okay?”
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Maybe some precious stones, too
On 7th Street in Penn Quarter:
A group of four women walk by, possibly after leaving Oyamel.
Woman to the rest of the group: “If you’re going to charge $15 for guacamole, there better be at least two full avocados in there.”
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True love
At Nationals Park:
A foul ball screams into the stands.
Man: “Whoa. We’re above the netting here. We might get a foul ball hit towards us.”
Woman: “Would you jump in front of it? Would you take a bullet for me, Frank?”
Man: “Well, I’d take a baseball for you.”
Woman: “How about a non-fatal bullet? Just something that wounds you?”
Man: (long pause while he considers) “Yeah, probably for the bragging rights.”
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D.C. romance
At Wilson HS in Tenleytown for a women’s recreational soccer game:
Early to mid-20s woman to her teammates: “Guys, my Uber driver over here… if I wasn’t dating [name], I’d be dating him. We just had the most basic conversation”
Teammate: “Well, I’m single.”
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Metro’s old trains: not for kids
At Metro Center:
A visibly stressed and sweaty father has a baby strapped to him and a roughly 4-year old boy as the Metro train arrives.
Boy: “No! This is the wrong train! We can’t go on this train! I want the blue chairs! This isn’t the blue train! ”
Father: “This train goes to the same place, let’s get on.”
Boy starts crying and having a meltdown. “I want the blue chairs,” (sobs) “this train is smelly.”
Fellow passenger woman offers her light blue front seat, one that’s usually supposed to be for handicapped passengers: “Here, he can sit here.”
Father, clearly about to lose it: “It’s not the blue train, he wants the new one.”
Boy: “No. No. No. I won’t sit down! We’re going the wrong way!”
The father is trying to remain calm, wiping off sweat and the baby strapped to him wriggles: “Sit down, we only have a few stops”
Boy remains stubborn and refuses to sit on the smelly old train.
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The realization of many altruistic law students
At H St and 11th at 9 p.m.:
Woman, early to mid-30s: “I told you, that’s how public interest law works. That’s how my field works. You can’t just go and make money.”
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I am dumb, want to date?
On a smallish plane, just after taking off from Dulles:
A bunch of bros get on, reeking of alcohol and talking about how many beers they could pound during their 1.5-hour layover.
The whole hears one say LOUDLY in an obvious pick-up attempt to the woman next to him, while slurring hi slurring words.
Drunk bro: “As a non-reader, I have to ask, how many pages is that book? Wow, I have never seen a book that big! How do you read a book like that?”
Woman: [Indecipherable but clear “leave me alone” tone]
Bro: “How do you even read a book like that? Do you read EVERY WORD? Holy crap! The longest book I ever read was like maybe 200 pages, and I had to stop every two pages and re-read because I could not remember what just happened.”
Woman: “Hm.”
Bro: “I mean, geez, that book is huge. How do you read that? What else do you like to do?”
Woman: [crickets]
Bro proceeds to continue to babble about books, then moves into the beers during the layover topic again, enthusiastically supported by fellow bros.
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Is this a thing?
Two late 20-something guys walking along near the Rhode Island Avenue Metro, discussing fashion:
Guy 1: “What do you think of jorts, jean shorts?”
Guy 2: “Never wear jorts.”
Guy 1: “What about other kinds of shorts?”
Guy 2: “I sometimes wear shorts, but never double shorts. You know, like if you’re wearing shorts you gotta wear a long-sleeve shirt.”
