Photo by Joan E
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and you can check out the archives here.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
Overheard of the Week
D.C. doesn’t really have a slogan that’s caught on lately. Maybe we have one now.
On Pennsylvania Avenue after work:
A young man is talking on the phone while biking after work: “She was asking me about this and asking me about that and it was policy all over my lunch, man! All over!”
——
Five stars, good conversation
In the office hallway:
“I tell my son to call Uber. That’s what we call Grandma now.”
——
The pendulum has swung
Two guys, walking near the Zoo:
Guy 1: “You know what they need to do to improve the Cleveland Park area? They gotta kill that fucking… “
Guy 2: “Panda?”
Guy 1: “…service lane.”
——
Try the big mall between the Washington Monument and Capitol
At 19th and I St NW during rush hour:
Maybe tourist leaning out of car: “Is there a Walmart around here?”
——
Whatever floats your boat
Coming out of the CVS at 19th and Pennsylvania Ave NW:
Two twenty-something professional women are both carrying bags of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
Woman 1: “I already know these are going to give me heartburn but I don’t care.”
Woman 2: “Why don’t you grab some tums beforehand?”
Woman 1: “I like to feel the burn, it makes me feel alive.”
—–
Right
Friday around 6 p.m. outside the Flats 130 apartments in NoMa:
Two bros in tanks, basketball shorts, Ray-Bans and boat shoes walk towards the Wunder Garten.
Bro 1 reaches into his pocket and pulls out a half-smoked, miraculously still-lit cigar. He places it in his mouth and takes a few healthy puffs.
Bro 2 looks at him, mouth agape: “Dude, you’re classy A.F.!”
——
True
At the Nats game:
Hill bro to his friends: “The amount of scandals in this administration make it impossible for me to explain week old news to my non-political friends.”
——
D.C. speed
At 15th and L downtown:
Two 20-something women are exiting a building.
Woman 1: “Google says it will take 10 minutes to walk there.”
Woman 2: “Oh we’ll be fine. Google assumes everyone walks like an 80 year old. It will take us 5.”
——
Hike
Two guys are watching Week One football:
Guy 1: “Here’s the rundown of human’s greatest inventions:
1. Bread
2. Sliced bread
3. Electricity
4. iPhone
5. NFL Redzone.”
Guy 2: “Vaccines are pretty good too, though.”
——
The truth sets in
In entryway of federal building:
Two visitors are signing in for a meeting.
Woman 1 looks up from the sign-in sheet and sees the cabinet secretary’s portrait: “Hmm, well he does look pretty doofy here but it could be worse.”
She then looks to her left and sees the presidential portrait.
Woman 1, with an expression of shock: “Oh! Oh no.” And she turns away.
Woman 2 laughs uncontrollably.
——
This lady rules
At Baltimore Penn Station after the D.C. to Baltimore train arrived:
An older lady is talking with the convenience store clerk, joking and laughing. She just finished telling a story about how she tried to get a beer at a bar.
Lady: “I’m 90 years old! I’m not even supposed to be drinking! At this point if it’s illegal, I’ll try it. Who am I gonna hurt?”
